Game Widow

Game Widow by Wendy Kays (Synergy Books, 2008, ISBN 978-1-934454-26-8)
Bonus material available.

This book was written by: Wendy Kays, who “has been married to the lead designer of the SOCOM: U.S. Navy Seals video game series for six years.” Ms. Kays is also a former game widow, but she and her husband have revitalized their once-endangered marriage into a union so strong that his accomplishments are listed first under her biography.

What is in this book: An analysis of the reasons why video games entice so many people to abandon their families, along with a look at the industry that creates them and ways to take back some of the control that they exert over our lives. This is a serious subject because “sending an adult online should have similar expectations that sending an adult to Las Vegas would,” which means that there is a real possibility that some people “will get into trouble of the mild kind, usually, and on occasion, the serious, life-altering or life-ending kind”(p.108).
In the real world, “there’s no road map with big goals broken into smaller goals that have guaranteed rewards for success”(p.8), while the virtual world can be quite rewarding, as Ms. Kays illustrates with Navarre--a fictional online persona created to demonstrate her point. “The Rare Hummingbird of Flashiness that hovers around Navarre is not only pretty and attention-grabbing, it’s [sic] presence also advertises that Navarre is one of only a few players ever to defeat the Elusive Swamp Witch, who only appears in the game once a year”(p.8). Even games designed to mimic reality are streamlined and more pleasant. “You may have to pick up dog poop in the real world, but you don’t have to clean up after your virtual pet. Or if you do, you’re insulated from experiencing the unpleasantness of bending over, fooling with the bag, inhaling the smell, and feeling the warm lump”(p.11).

What is not in this book: A chicken-livered lack of resolve. When their marriage was in trouble, Ms. Kays and her husband “felt a professional was too scary and formal, so we did what we could on our own”(p.79), which meant doing things the hard way. Ms. Kays writes that “I forced myself to listen,” but more importantly she let him talk and “continued to listen (which was extremely difficult, because I wanted to talk about me so badly)”(p.79). Despite the difficulties, Ms. Kays refused to give up. “I even had to swallow my pride and let him take the lead sometimes so he could know this was a joint effort he was part of and not just me acting like a dictator making all the new rules”(p.81).
But she had to go beyond swallowing her pride. “I made a personal rule that I couldn’t talk about him as the problem, just the problem itself. I pretended our problems had magically appeared out of thin air – with no one to blame”(p.80). It got worse for her, because “If he said I was the problem, I had to suck it up and apologize, even if I didn’t feel like I was the problem”(p.80), but it was necessary because anything else would make him think “a ‘fixing things’ talk was really a ‘wife getting time to yell at him’ trick”(p.80).
Game Widow recounts a moving story of intense personal struggle, and Ms. Kays herself writes that “humble pie was expensive emotionally, but I was willing to give up my righteous anger to get my happy life with my husband back”(p.81). It ultimately paid off because not only is their marriage restored, but “in the time my husband used to play video games at night, he is earning an MBA from a prestigious university”(p.115).

Would you recommend this book to widows of U.S. servicemen who were killed in Iraq or Afghanistan? Without reservation. Ms. Kays’ description of a game widow as “a woman whose husband might as well be dead to her because he is constantly engaged with video games”(p.xii) is as respectful to their situation as it is similar. The fact that Ms. Kays’ not-dead husband has earned a living by sensationalizing the ongoing sacrifices made by the United States Armed Forces and marketing it as entertainment can only add another layer of empathy and understanding.

Would you recommend this book to literary agents like Jeanne Fredericks or Robert E. Shepard? Yes, but not just so they can cry bitter tears into their pillows over not signing this author while they had a chance.
It turns out that “the video game industry is not like the book industry in which near-finished manuscripts submitted by eager authors can be reviewed and the best one chosen”(p.41). That means that these agents may find that their unconventional willingness to consider book proposals without reviewing near-finished manuscripts is an attitude better suited for a different field. Someone should also tell Hart Publishing that they can cut their instructions on submitting manuscripts that are not yet written and just wait for the near-finished ones to come rolling in.
Changing trades from publishing books to publishing video games would require some serious adjustments, though. With electronic entertainment, “even if the idea comes from someone who has already designed a best-selling video game, there is no guarantee on how the final product will turn out,”(p.41) which is completely unlike the publishing industry, where bestselling authors can always be relied upon to deliver stellar work.

What was interesting about this book? Ms. Kays’ startlingly plausible extrapolation of future trends based on current evidence. Gaming will cause problems in the workplace because “employers are already considering passing more of the cost of health care on to employees who are overweight or who are smokers. When and if playing video games is shown to make health conditions worse, or even cause them, gamers will be targeted as well”(p.61). In fact, “It’s only a matter of time before organized research into the health effects of video gaming is done and before the debate over who covers the costs of the health consequences of gaming begins,” and in the future “it may become as acceptable to discriminate against gamers as it is to discriminate against smokers and people who are overweight”(p.61).
However, there is still hope. After all, “if society can embrace recycling and alternate energy to impact the environment, sacrifice buying frills to save money for retirement, and avoid buying products from companies known to employ inhumane sweatshops, we can certainly sacrifice some time to carefully choose and manage our entertainment,” which will be how we can “turn the vast tide of a selfish and entitled society and an entrenched game industry”(p.116).

You're Not Speaking My Language

Genderspeak: Men, Women, and the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Haden Elgin PhD (John Wiley & Sons, 1993, ISBN: 0-471-58016-3)

This book was written by: Suzette Haden Elgin, PhD, an expert in applied psycholinguistics and the founder of the Ozark Center for Language Studies. Dr. Elgin has also written several science fiction books, including the Native Tongue series--in which she developed a new language, Láadan, similar to Klingon but less popular.

What is in this book: A way of looking at the way men and women use language differently. These differences are subtle and vary from person to person, but “men are usually bigger and stronger, which means they can often drown other people out; women are more likely to start crying, a different kind of power play that nevertheless brings conversation to a halt”(p.166). Dr. Elgin wants to help people move from masculine or feminine extremes to realize that “Male/female communication does not have to be either armed combat or endless mystifying tedium”(p.xvi).
Dr. Elgin explores nuances and pitfalls of intergender communication with clear explanations, like her declaration that “a man asked to talk openly and easily and in detail about his feelings is like a woman asked to talk openly and easily and in detail about her urination”(p.258). Both are perverted deviants, but there aren’t nearly as many websites where you can pay to hear men talk about their feelings.

What is not in this book: Pacifism. Verbal self-defense may be gentle, but Dr. Elgin is realistic about the violence of the realm in which it must be practiced, noting that “differences in semantics can be as dangerous as missiles, and are often as well hidden”(p.40). This self-defense is an important art to master because “hostile language can kill you as surely as hostile driving can”(p.165). Not only does hostile language pose a health risk, but if you don’t get out there and make friends, you’re in mortal danger. That’s because “research has proved that people who are disliked and lonely have far more health problems than people with a strong social network”(p.167).

Would you recommend this book to Don Roberts? Yes, because “using the Gentle Art techniques will bring you extra benefits—fringe benefits—that are valuable to you on the basis of pure self-interest alone”(p.97), which may inspire him to write "Fringies 2: The Fringe-ening."

Would you recommend this book to Richard Gere? No, he’s done pretty well for himself through his mastery of gerbil self-defense.

What was interesting about this book? Dr. Elgin’s discussion of sexual harassment. “One man will say ‘That’s a pretty dress’ so suggestively that every word in the sentence might as well be one of the classic ‘four-letter’ ones; another can say ‘Nice tits’ as inoffensively as if he had said ‘Yankee Doodle.’”(p.211)
I want Dr. Elgin to teach me how to whistle “Yankee Doodle.”

Special Award
Bitterly Books would like to give the I Just Pantsed Arthur Miller While He Was Giving Eugene O’Neill A Wedgie Award for Excellence in Dramatic Accomplishment to Dr. Elgin for the realistic scenarios, written out in narrative form, that open each chapter of her book. She may have intended Genderspeak to be a nonfiction work that explores intergender differences through the scientifically rigorous discipline of linguistics, but these dramatic, realistic scenarios play out in such a gripping fashion that they almost eclipse the book's analysis of social interactions. Readers follow the trials and tribulations of Mary, who struggles to be understood by her parents, her coworkers, and her boss. Mary also has problems with her husband Frank because it “seems to Frank that even when, as in this case, Mary can see that he’s busy, she doesn’t hesitate to interrupt him and demand that he involve himself in what he sees as her soap opera. He resents this, and does everything he can to discourage it”(p.230). The mindset of John, her boss, isn’t very helpful, either:

“As John perceives the situation, he has no choice but to put up with women in the workplace–the laws require him to do that—but he’s under no obligation to make it easy for them. [....] The sooner he can maneuver her into giving up the idea of a business career, the sooner she’ll be out of all this stress and tension.
He is of course careful at all times to maintain the surface position of a nonsexist male. That’s part of doing business in America today, and he recognizes and responds to that fact in spite of his own more conservative views on the subject. He enjoys the strategic challenge this offers him, and prides himself on his skill in dealing with it.”(p.3)

Dr. Elgin, please enjoy your I Just Pantsed Arthur Miller While He Was Giving Eugene O’Neill A Wedgie Award for Excellence in Dramatic Accomplishment, because you (and your complex, nuanced characters) have worked hard for it.

Creative Charts

Charting Your Career: The Horoscope Reveals Your Life Purpose by Stephanie Jean Clement, PhD (Llewellyn Publications, 1999, ISBN 1-56718-144-9)

This book was written by: Stephanie Jean Clement, PhD, author of several astrology books and the PSYCHIC POWERS REPORT for Oprah Winfrey. Dr. Clement’s "PhD in transpersonal psychology has prepared her to work with clients in defining their creative potential and refining their creative process”(interior page).

What is in this book: Techniques that “will help you to understand your personal vocation and also facilitate your work with others”(p.238). What is new about these techniques is that they have finally loosened the rigid, uncompromising formulas of astrology and offered a chance to be creative. Not many people realize that “astrology provides several potent methods for investigating creativity”(p.3), which can be more important that actually learning new things. “Human beings as a group already know enough—we have enough facts”(p.2). With the techniques in this book we can rearrange what we know. Creatively.

What is not in this book: Layman’s terms. This book is designed for readers who are familiar with basic astrological terms, so you’d better keep a straight face when you read about how "transits" from "Uranus will coincide with the entrance of individuals into one’s life who have profound emotional impact,” because the statement that “Uranus could signal a meeting which has continuing effects over many years”(p.162) is not talking about low-rise jeans or bathhouses. You’ll also have to know that “a planet has accidental dignity when it falls in an angular house”(p.7). Accidental dignity is not what happens when your WHO FARTED? baseball cap suddenly looks respectable because you’re standing next to someone in a CO-ED NAKED FIREFIGHTING tee shirt.

Would you recommend this book to Douglas Corrigan? Please. He had a chart and knew exactly where he was going when he gave the finger to U.S. aviation authorities on his gloriously crazy flight across the Atlantic.

Would you recommend this book to fans of Final Fantasy VII? I don’t know. When she writes that “this beginning point is paralleled by the alchemist’s prima materia—the cell is the physical beginning, the prima materia is the psychological beginning”(p.54), I can’t tell if she’s saying that alchemists should play more Final Fantasy, or saying that hardcore nerds should spend more time studying alchemy.

What was interesting about this book? The wide range of careers that are discussed as potential life purposes. If Uranus is in your fifth house, “you are often able to see into the behavior of others and may work well with psychologists and psychiatrists, researchers of all kinds, sports figures, and even travel agents,” while Pluto in your fifth house means that “water treatment, weather forecasting, and animal control workers may attract your eye in some way, as well as psychics, alchemists, and social welfare advocates”(p.32), to name a few.

Delayed Contact (No Touching)

The Challenge of Contact: A mainstream journalist’s report on interplanetary diplomacy—revised post-9/11 edition, by Phillip H. Krapf (Origin Press, 2003, ISBN: 1-57983-009-9)

This book was written by: Phillip H. Krapf, a journalist with 25 years of experience including work for the L.A. Times. Mr. Krapf is also “an abductee with a story to tell”(p.190), and “was actually recruited to write and speak on behalf of this alien species, to act as their designated reporter and spokesman regarding their efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the human race”(p.xi)

What is in this book: Updated information. Mr. Krapf was contacted by a group of aliens called the Verdants and wrote about it in two books, The Contact Has Begun and The Challenge of Contact, issuing a press release on August 23, 2001, declaring that the Verdants would “proceed with efforts to attempt to establish Verdant-Human diplomatic relations”(p.156). SPOILER ALERT: They didn’t.
Although Mr. Krapf was able “to schedule a keynote talk at a major UFO conference” to give further details of the Verdants and their plan, “and this speech was to be delivered on September 16[, 2001]”(p.ix), Mr. Krapf was notified by the Verdants on September 11, 2001, that “They had been observing what they called ‘the regrettable scenes of carnage occurring on your planet’ and had come to the inescapable conclusion that ‘the human species is not yet ready’”(p.139). This was a profound disappointment for Mr. Krapf not only because humanity had missed out on an incredible opportunity, but also because “I was going to be vindicated, and all of my carping critics would have to eat crow after dumping on me for several years”(p.145).
This second edition of Mr. Krapf’s book reviews his past history with the Verdants and discusses his “latest contact with these extraterrestrials, and provides an update as of June 2002 regarding their roller-coaster attempts to link up with humankind”(p.xi).

What is not in this book: Sizzling hot alien porn. During his extraterrestrial encounters, Mr. Krapf encounters an alien who is exceedingly interested in matters of Earthly sexuality. Although Mr. Kraft demurely tried to change the subject, “she had persisted, and eventually exposed her naked body to me and suggested a sexual encounter, which I immediately spurned”(p.30).
However, the book does contain an alien probing, along with a discussion of “the effect of the probe as it penetrated and then transcended the memory banks of my current existence”(p.112).

Would you recommend this book to Marty McFly? Yes. He would contact the Verdants if I challenged him to do it and then called him a chicken.

Would you recommend this book to a terrorist? Absolutely. Maybe when they realize how much they’ve really cost us—all of us, not just the Americans—they’d think twice before embarking on a course of senseless violence.

What was interesting about this book? Although Mr. Krapf has voyaged beyond Earth’s atmosphere and come to terms with the alien Verdants and their culture, he still retains his strong sense of justice and his rapier-sharp wit. As an example, he recounts his reaction to “a joke with racial overtones,” on p.184-185:

He grinned at me after finishing his story, and I simply stared stone-faced at him in astonishment.
“My God,” I said, “Do they still tell that story in Bakersfield?”

Afraid to Tell

Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? by John Powell, S.J. (Tabor Publishing, 1969, ISBN: 0-913592-02-1)

This book was written by:Father John Powell, S.J., retired professor of Theology at Loyola University and author of several introspective books designed to provide insights into the workings of the human mind, including Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, Why Am I Afraid to Love?, Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?, A Reason to Live! A Reason to Die!, and Abortion, the Silent Holocaust.

[UPDATE: You may be afraid to tell who you are if, like the author, you are an alleged sex abuser.]

What is in this book: 167 pages of text and images used to explain the answer that the book provides on page 12: “I am afraid to tell you who I am, because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all that I have.” Father Powell examines some of the ways in which we avoid telling each other who we really are, noting that to truly communicate on an authentic level, it is not only necessary to share our judgments such as “I think you are intelligent,”(p.59), but also the emotional reactions accompanying those judgments (e.g., “...and I am jealous,” “...and it makes me ill at ease with you,” “...and I feel the desire to humiliate you.”[p.59]).

What is not in this book: Timidity or ambiguity. Father Powell himself communicates authentically without using overly formal or confusing language. For example, as he explains that in order to relate to one another on the most genuine level of communication we must report our emotions at the time they are being experienced, noting that:

All communication must obviously respect not only the transmitter of the communication but also the receiver who is to accept the communication. Consequently, it could occur that, in the integration of my emotions, my judgment may dictate that this is not the opportune moment to report my emotional reaction. If the receiver is so emotionally disturbed himself that he could hardly be in a receptive mood, and my report would only be distorted somehow by his turbulent emotional state, it may be that I will have to defer this report.(p.78)

Would you recommend this book to Christine McVie? Not really. She wants you to tell her lies. Sweet little lies.

Would you recommend this book to someone in the witness protection program? No, I think that they’re pretty clear on why they don’t want to tell you who they are.

What was interesting about this book? The final chapter’s “catalog of games and roles,” which is completely unlike anything produced by Parker Brothers or Gary Gygax. This catalog describes the roles played by the loner, the hedonist, the poor mouth, the pouter, and the flirt, as well as the reasons behind some of the games that they play to keep us from finding out who they really are. While Father Powell notes that “most girls who play the ‘Sex-Bomb’ game do not do so because they really enjoy genital sexuality or because they are ‘highly sexed.’ It is rather because they feel they have nothing else to offer but a provocative body,”(p.162) he neglects to mention that the Sex-Bomb game is only a game until someone loses an eye. Then it’s eroticism.

Get Ready to Make Money (I'm not talking to you)

EconAmerica: Why the American Economy Is Alive and Well ... And What that Means to Your Wallet by Jeff Thredgold (John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 2007, ISBN: 978-0-470-09698-7)

This book was written by: Jeff Thredgold, economic futurist and president of Thredgold Economic Associates. Mr. Thredgold is also humble, noting that “economists are wrong more often than we are right, for which we receive considerable and well-deserved abuse”(p.ix). This takes the some of the sting out of statements like his declarations that “Powerful gains in most home values, combined with stronger performance of the stock market in recent years, have given consumers a peace of mind that building ‘wealth’ for their future retirement or for the kids' college educations is working”(p.152) and that “Most forecasters expect overall [home] prices to move essentially sideways in 2007, with a return to rising home values in 2008 and 2009”(p.155).

What is in this book: Mr. Thredgold lists and discusses his four “silver bullets” that give him an optimistic view of the economy and his beliefs that “solid growth in 401(k) balances, more lucrative matching incentives by enlightened employers seeking to retrain skilled employees in an extremely tight labor market, and new programs enacted by the Congress to boost savings are in sight”(p.131).
The first bullet is the tight American labor market, because “an extremely tight American labor market in the coming years will boost real wages across the income spectrum”(p.29) and “Anemic growth in the American labor force over the next two decades in what is already a near-full employment economy will continue to enhance the real income gains of a majority of workers”(p.93).
The second bullet is that “politicians will be forced by the pressure of powerful financial markets and by constant media attention to set aside political rancor and work together to solve the entitlement funding and benefit issue”(p.58), which we can observe in the way that congress acted so swiftly—and so far in advance of widespread economic disaster—to pass the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008, noted for its almost immediate positive effects on the economy.
The third bullet is that confidence “will allow long-term interest rates to remain at low levels, benefiting both home buyers and others who seek funding in the credit markets”(p.79), and we know it “will continue as the nation’s bond market—the Fed’s overseer—will simply not allow any return of irresponsible Federal Reserve monetary policy”(p.79).
Finally, “the stock market should continue to do well in the coming years”(p.148).

What is not in this book: Partisan bickering. Mr. Thredgold takes the high road and avoids trying to place the blame for economic woes. “It is no secret that the majority of the national media has a strong liberal bias. As a result, Republican policy initiatives are typically cast in a negative light, while any good news relative to the economy is relegated to the back pages”(p.51).

Would you recommend this book to Mel Gibson? No. Mel Gibson has Air America, which had explosions, better drugs, and Robert Downey, Jr.

Would you recommend this book to a werewolf? Yes. It may help him (or her) find silver bullets to be much less terrifying.

What was interesting about this book? Mr. Thredgold’s list of guaranteed American growth industries, which are financial planning, leisure and entertainment, and healthcare. However, Mr. Thredgold warns that our healthcare industry needs tort reform, control of rising prescription drug prices, the ability for insurance providers to compete across state lines, and incentive-offering wellness programs. “We are moving unavoidably in the direction of a government-sponsored, nationalized health care system,” which Mr. Thredgold finds “scary” because “Placing government in direct control of another one-sixth of the American economy does not lend itself to rising consumer comfort levels. One has only to look at a struggling Canadian universal health care system to draw such a conclusion”(p.137) That’s right, Canada, he calls your healthcare system “extremely expensive, largely broken, and in need of resuscitation”(p.186). Oh, snap!