The Great Controversy by Ellen G. White

The Great Controversy

THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN BY: Ellen G. White, one of the founders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. It has been revised several times since she originally wrote it in 1858, and it is available for free online through several websites and is being mailed out by a number of evangelical projects. While this website assures me that they used "publicly available resources" to get my mailing address, it's a little creepy how they were able to use the special nickname I share with only my closest friends ("RESIDENT").

WHAT IS IN THIS BOOK: Ms. White's plea to return to the scriptures. "Men have been unwearied in their efforts to obscure the plain, simple meaning of the Scriptures, and to make them contradict their own testimony"(p.29), so she is helpfully including excerpts from the scriptures in her book to remind you how to live. Ms. White has chosen to share this message because "many ministers are teaching their people, and many professors and teachers are instructing their students, that the law of God has been changed or abrogated; and those who regard its requirements as still valid, to be literally obeyed, are thought to be deserving only of ridicule or contempt"(p.312). It's important to remember that the bible is serious business as you follow its literal instructions to throw rocks at gay people and not wear wool and linen at the same time.

WHAT IS NOT IN THIS BOOK: Any patience for those who would listen to "the representative of Satan  — the bishop of Rome" (p.18). Do you know what caused the French revolution? "That terrible outbreaking was but the legitimate result of Rome's suppression of the scriptures"(p.138). In fact, "If we desire to understand the determined cruelty of Satan... we have only to look at the history of Romanism"(p.305).  And throughout history, "as the ravenous beast is rendered more furious by the taste of blood, so the rage of the papists was kindled to greater intensity by the sufferings of their victims" (p.33). Ms. White's intolerance may seem surprising, but that's because most people are only familiar with the first part of Jesus' quote, "Love thy neighbor, unless he's Catholic, in which case the best you can do is hope that he converts to something less offensive, like Islam, maybe."

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO A PHOENICIAN? Not unless I wanted to start a riot. Ms. White says some pretty hurtful things about them:

"The god of many professedly wise men, of philosophers, poets, politicians, journalists — the god of polished fashionable circles, of many colleges and universities, even of some theological institutions — is little better than Baal, the sun-god of Phoenicia" (p.312)

That's right, Baal-worshipers, she said journalists. Can you really just sit there passively when she's comparing you unfavorably to Wolf Blitzer?

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO FRED CLARK OF SLACKTIVIST? No way. Not only does he already know about it, but he'd probably be a million times better at mocking it. Have you seen  what he did to the Left Behind series?

WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THIS BOOK? Ellen White's bleak vision of what life would be like without Adventists around to show us what it means to heed the word of the Lord:

"Property would no longer be safe. Men would obtain their neighbor's possessions by violence, and the strongest would become richest. Life itself would not be respected. The marriage vow would no longer stand as a sacred bulwark to protect the family. He who had the power, would, if he desired, take his neighbor's wife by violence. The fifth commandment would be set aside with the fourth. Children would not shrink from taking the life of their parents if by so doing they could obtain the desire of their corrupt hearts. The civilized world would become a horde of robbers and assassins; and peace, rest, and happiness would be banished from the earth." (p.313)

It's chilling to imagine what the world would be like without them leading by example.

The Arrogance of Humanism

The Arrogance of Humanism

THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN BY: David Ehrenfeld, a professor of biology at Rutgers University who wants you to keep your logic and reason away from his emotion. Ehrenfeld feels that "the advocacy of logic at the expense of emotion can be carried to both absurd and evil extremes"(p.146), something that happens far too often in modern life. "Like a fat man in a tuxedo falling into a swimming pool, the result is often funny,"(p.148) but when we laugh, we risk overlooking some of its most grievous abuses. For example, "the Soviet dissenters are a brave and passionate group of people, and I cannot help but wonder whether they are being punished by the masters of reason for the undying and powerful quality of their emotion"(p.153).

WHAT IS IN THIS BOOK? An indictment of the creeping humanism that has infected all modern discourse. Humanism is "a supreme faith in human reason — its ability to confront and solve the many problems that humans face, its ability to rearrange both the world of Nature and the affairs of men and women so that human life will prosper"(p.5). Humanism sounds nice until you realize that "communism is at heart intensely humanistic, for it contains the central idea that rational planning can alter any pre-existing condition of man"(p.153). Furthermore, "Most totalitarian persons and regimes, of whatever label," and we are not naming names, Hitler, but we are certainly casting disapproving glances in your direction, "are strongly humanistic in some of their most important philosophic assumptions"(p.6).

WHAT IS NOT IN THIS BOOK? Sugar-coated facts or unreasonably optimistic projections. Ehrenfeld refuses to downplay the stranglehold that humanism has on modern society. "All public communications media are permeated with humanistic preachings all of the time. Business, economic theory, politics, and technology accept the teachings of humanism, entire"(p.4). Humanists have developed terrifying devices like the "bionic laser cane" (p.42), and their ranks are augmented by "international falcon thieves"(p.180). In the face of this adversary, Ehrenfeld admits "I have given no master plan for individual survival"(p.xi).

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO AN ANTI-VACCINE CRUSADER? Certainly. They should identify with Ehrenfeld's argument that solving problems with applied reason only yields more problems. "Humanism to cure humanism! It is like bathing an infection in an extract of sewage"(p.252). It's time for us to stop meddling. For example, we should stop giving wheelchairs to the disabled, since they might use them to visit liquor stores and strip clubs. And AIDS patients, cancer sufferers, and parents who don't want to expose their children to diseases not seen since the Pilgrims should be ashamed of themselves for daring to imagine that their lives could be improved. Taking corrective action would only introduce problems to their lives, like planning a wedding, taking out a mortgage to buy a home, or seeing their children raise children of their own. 

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO A BURNT-OUT FACULTY MEMBER WHO SNAPPED AFTER ONE TOO MANY RUN-INS WITH MICROMANAGING ADMINISTRATORS THAT ARE COMPLETELY UNVERSED IN HIS CHOSEN FIELD OF STUDY? No, I would recommend that they read Ehrenfeld's lecture to the New Economic Institute on the explosion of management. However, this book does contain plenty of venom for administrators, the "people whose job it is to manage and direct organizations. And these administrators, whatever they are doing, are not producing what Schumacher called the goods and services necessary to a becoming existence. They are a burden upon the real producers in society"(p.247). Administrators and their obsession with control are an evil that transcends ideology or conventional labels. "Organization is organization: it is neither socialist nor reactionary, religious nor secular — just distilled humanism. It is organization, not 'communism' or 'capitalism,' that is attempting to run the world, and a very bad job it is making of it"(p.253).

WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THIS BOOK? The number of compelling, real-world examples of humanism's destructive influence that Ehrenfeld has drawn from sources such as Isaac Asimov's Foundation series, the E.M. Forster story "The Machine Stops," and H.G. Wells' "Food of the Gods," all highlighting ways that we have dared to tread in the domain of the almighty and toy with the powers of god.
According to Ehrenfeld, the tale of the Six Million Dollar Man is especially important. Unlike Prometheus, who was punished by the gods for attempting to improve mankind's existence, the scientists who rebuild Steve Austin suffer no divine retribution for their actions. The story reflects the fact that in our efforts to attain the powers of the gods, "now that the path to omnipotence is clear, we have discarded the superstitious guilt that was so much a part of the early days of the quest"(p.41).
These instances all highlight the "human tragedy" that is our inability to set aside things that give us power. "The first time I came across a description of this tragedy and was made to understand it was in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings"(p.248).

SPECIAL AWARD: Bitterly Books is honoring David Ehrenfeld with the Room 101 Judo Award for Hitting Them Where They Live based on the rhetorical tactics he employs in his work.

The main goal of "the humanistic logic and power cult"(p.146) is to have us suppress or push aside our emotions and view everything in unfeeling, rational terms. And the best way to counter humanists is with rats. "Rats have an innate distrust of anything new in their environment. When this occurs in human beings it is called superstition or emotion"(p.133). These rat emotions are the key to opposing "reason and its servant, the scientific method"(p.148).

Claiming that the evils of the world can be fixed if we act more like rats is a bold move on Ehrenfeld's part; it's not the most inspiring mental image. However, readers who feel squeamish about becoming more ratlike are themselves possessed of — and responding with — emotion. The cold automatons who willingly put their revulsion aside to consider Ehrenfeld's arguments solely on their rational merits are the ones who will benefit from them the most.

_{The Arrogance of Humanism by David Ehrenfeld (Oxford University Press, 1978, ISBN: 0-19-502890-2)}

You Don't Need a Body to Have a Good Time

Out-of-Body Exploring: A Beginner's Approach

This book was written by: Preston Dennett, a former accountant who now "is a leading UFO researcher and ghost hunter, and has authored five books and more than eighty articles"(p.181) on paranormal topics.

What is in this book: A discussion of Mr. Dennett's out-of-body expereinces (OBEs), lucid dreams, and voyages "to explore not only the physical world, but the astral world"(p.xiv) Dennett get around to actual advice on how to have your own OBEs in chapter 12, and helpfully includes a three-page question and answer section about OBEs is at the end of the book. Mr. Dennett's book also includes transcripts from his OBE journals:

Out of Body
I am lucid! I feel a wave of sexual desire. I reach out and grab a lady's breast.(p.28)

Dennett puts his experiences into context by citing the work of other OBE pioneers:

Vee Van Dam wrote that he had good enough control in the dream state to be able to create fully lifelike people with whom he could intimately interact. I also came to experience an increase in control, but I'm not sure if this was good news or not because now I was able to construct more elaborate scenarios and choose whomever I wanted to have sex with. That kind of temptation is hard to resist(p.103).

And he notes some of the challenges he sets for himself and experiments he performs in his nonphysical form:

I decide to see if I can sing the scale. I sing out loudly, Do-Re-Me-Fa-Sol-La-Ti-Do! It sounds great. I sing it again. I feel proud to have achieved my goal.(p.46)

Like all good scientists, his explorations are guided by a spirit of academic inquiry and a strict adherence to ethical principles:

I had a few inadvertent experiences during which my desire body took control and I invaded the privacy of women's showers.(p.171)

WHICH WAY TO THE SHOWERS?

What is not in this book: Credible assurances that out-of-body experiences are safe. It's true that Dennett addresses the topic in the Q&A section of his book, but his answer is suspect:

"Not only are OBEs not dangerous, they occur to everybody every night. There is not a single reported case of anybody being physically harmed by an OBE. It is impossible to be hurt while out of body because you are nonphysical. Nor can you get too far away from your body, or locked out, or possessed."(p.170)

That's exactly what a possessed person would say when trying to convince us that he's not possessed. Also, absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. When it comes to "reported" cases of harm, dead astral bodies tell no tales.

DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!
DANGER!

Would you recommend this book to Will Robinson? Absolutely. Dennett writes that "by going out of body, I was able to fly to distant locations, visit the moon"(p.xiv), so using it in outer space wouldn't be a problem. Dennett says that he experienced difficulty when learning about OBEs because "nobody warned me that integrating the dream state with your waking consciousness would lead to possible confusion and a bleed-through between the physical and astral dimensions"(p.155), but that robot that followed Will around was yelling warnings all the time, so he'd probably be okay.

Would you recommend this book to that girl in college who claimed she was a lesbian but just seemed really desperate for attention? Yes. She was big on experimenting, so she'd take right to Mr. Dennet's suggestions of experiments you can try while out of body:

• "Saying your name while out of body is a fun experiment because you never know what is going to happen"(p.166)
• "'Gaom-Raom-Om-Bour-Bu-Mama-Papa' Repeat this mantra while out of body. If you are able to say this while out of body or lucid dreaming, you may be surprised."(p.166)

Any one of them would be at least as productive as that 10-hour drum circle she led in the Student Union to protest animal treatement in Burma.

What was interesting about this book? The amount of violence that takes place in the astral world. Mr. Dennet relates the story of the time he was "Attacked by an Astral Bull"(p.64) and the following encounter:

Attacked by Homeless People
I am walking down the sidewalk when I see a small group of homeless people. They are dirty, gaunt, and dressed in rags. They are also looking at me threateningly. Suddenly, they atack me. They are pushing, pulling, ripping at my clothes.(p.31)

Despite the danger, journeying out of body is an important skill to learn because eventualy everyone will be doing it. "Conscious out-of-body travel will become increasingly commmon among the general population. I think it's inevitable"(p.174, emphasis in original).

_{Out-of-Body Exploring: A Beginner's Approach by Preston Dennett (Hampton Roads Publishing, 2004, ISBN: 1-57174-409-6)}

The God Delusion

God's Debris

(free, available online)

This book was written by: Scott Adams, the creator of the controversial "Dilbert" comic strip, an aspiring restaurateur, and an accomplished puppeteer.

What is in this book?
*bong noises*

There is something about eyes that supports God’s inevitable reassembly.(p.72)

*bong noises*

When we feel the warmth of sunlight, we are feeling the effect of increased probabilities and, therefore, increased activity of our skin cells, not the effect of photons striking our skin.(p.88)

*bong noises*

If, as you say, our minds are delusion generators, then we’re all like blind and deaf sea captains shouting orders into the universe and hoping it makes a difference. (p.121)

*impact noise*

What is not in this book? Action. Or much of anything else, really.

“Then you believe we can only know things that have been tested?” he asked.
“I’m not saying that.”
“Then you’re not saying anything, are you?”
It felt that way.(p.24)

Would you recommend this book to a chubby, singularity-worshipping transhumanist? No, because that would mean actually talking with one of them. However, parts of this book may resonate with them.

I will admit I’m not the life of any party. Whenever I try to inject something interesting into a conversation everyone gets quiet until someone changes the topic. I think I’m pretty interesting but no one else does. All of the popular people seem to babble about nothing, but I usually have something interesting to say. You’d think people would like that.(p.106)

Would you recommend this book to anyone? If I was cornered by a knife-wielding automaton of a human being who needed some kind of instruction manual for interactions with others—and he insisted that it had to be written by a cartoonist—I would suggest that he read pages 105-114, the chapter on "Relationships." And I'd feel terrible about myself afterwards.

What was interesting about this book? The entire book's 132-page argument can be summed up in one sentence: The only thing for an omnipotent god is to do is kill himself, so he must have succeeded and we are the thinking bits left over that work towards the singularity that will rebuild him (so buckle up).

"God’s reassembly requires people—living, healthy people," he said. "When you buckle your seat belt, you increase your chances of living. That is obeying probability. If you get drunk and drive without a seat belt, you are fighting probability."(p.99)

GUEST POST: Get Rich Without Trying

The following guest review was written by Unpleasantly Surprised, a gentleman scholar and respiration enthusiast.

The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich

This book was written by: Tim Ferriss, a motivational speaker, entrepreneur, kickboxer, writer, health guru, polyglot, lifestyle designer, philosopher, tango dancer, blogger, horse archer, angel investor, and lifehacker.

What is in this book: Outsourcing. Ferriss recommends using the developing world to outsource your work away. He maintains that "getting a remote personal assistant is a huge departure point and marks the moment that you learn to give orders and be commander instead of commanded"(p. 119). It may have occurred to you to ask how much of your white-collar job is actually outsourceable. Ferriss responds, "It's a good question, but I don't want to answer it. I want to watch Family Guy" (p. 123), and proceeds to outsource this section of the book to two overseas workers. "The truth be told, it's a hell of a lot of work writing about not working. Ritika of Brickwork and Venky of YMII are more than capable of writing this section"(p. 123). However, he does address what to do if your boss is reluctant to keep you on the payroll while you dump your work on the developing world: "Learn to imitate any good child: 'Just this once! Please!!! I promise I’ll do X!' Parents fall for it because kids help adults to fool themselves. It works with bosses, suppliers, customers, and the rest of the world, too"(p.101).

What is not in this book: The examined life. Tim Ferriss recommends that you "develop and maintain a low-information diet"(p. 83), because "most information is time-consuming, negative, irrelevant to your goals, and outside of your influence"(p.83). He counsels his readers that "information is useless if it is not applied to something important or if you will forget it before you have a chance to apply it"(p. 88). For developmental reading, Ferriss states, "I consume a maximum of one-third of one industry magazine (Response magazine) and one business magazine (Inc.) per month, for a grand total of approximately four hours"(p. 84).

Would you recommend this book to business majors? Most definitely. In college, Ferriss mastered the technique of whining his way to academic excellence. He explains, "If I received anything less than an A on the first paper or non-multiple-choice test in a given class, I would bring 2–3 hours of questions to the grader’s office hours and not leave until the other had answered them all or stopped out of exhaustion"(p. 91). This ensured that "the grader would think long and hard about ever giving me less than an A"(p.91).

Would you recommend this book to someone who wins fighting games by using the same cheap ring-out move over and over? Yes. Tim Ferriss used this strategy in real life to win the gold medal at the Chinese National Kickboxing Championship. The distinction was earned by "using dehydration techniques [...] I lost 28 pounds in 18 hours, weighed in at 165 pounds, and then hyperhydrated back to 193 pounds"(p. 29), and manipulating the rule that, "if one combatant fell off the elevated platform three times in a single round, his opponent won by default. I decided to use this technicality as my principal technique and push people off"(p. 30). Ferriss laments that "it's hard to fight someone from three weight classes above you. Poor little guys"(p. 30).

What was interesting about this book? The Amazon reviews. Currently this book has 1,550 five-star reviews. As a point of comparison, Crime and Punishment has 425 reviews of the same rating. Thanks to the wonders of cheap Indian labor, Tim Ferriss may have engineered the most extensive astroturfing campaign in the history of the internet.

_{The Four-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss (Crown Archetype, 2009, ISBN 9780307465351)}

Stopping the Media Elite

Arrogance: Rescuing

America from

the Media Elite

This book was written by: Bernard Goldberg, a reporter and commentator who has seen "white media liberalism at its most hypocritical. I spent a lot of years with these people, and you have no idea what major-league phonies they can be"(p.91). While ideological disagreements may have prevented Goldberg from advancing his career at certain news stations that shall remain nameless, he’s not bitter about it. Of course, "there are times when I miss my old pals from network television news. I miss how those well-educated, sophisticated correspondents, who would sell their children into prostitution if it meant getting more airtime, still root for each other—to get hit by a bus"(p.221).

What is in this book: A remedy for the liberal bias currently afflicting the major news networks, written in a language that they can understand. And Goldberg is really good at speaking their language — so good that he earned an accolade from Andy Rooney: "Bernie Goldberg, he said, 'just has a great knack for being a jerk.'"(p.24). When recommending that news networks relocate from ultraliberal New York City to areas that are more in touch with the American public, Goldberg writes:

"Besides the Elvis Presley Birthpace and Museum and Elvis Presley Lake and Campground, there's the Tupelo Ballet and there is also the Tupelo Symphony. Admit it, you elitist snobs: In a million years you wouldn't have thought Tupelo [Mississippi] boasted either a ballet company or a symphony.
What about food? you say. There's enough in Tupelo to make the elites forget Manhattan in a Mississippi minute. Some Tupelo hot spots are Bar-B-Que by Jim, Heavenly Ham, and Harvey's Sweet Pepper Deli. And did I mention that there are three--three!--Pizza Huts in Tupelo?"(p.243)

This may seem like a mocking, sarcastic dig at the citizens of Tupelo, but Goldberg is only attempting to relate to sneering liberal elitists on their own terms. If you didn't realize that he was using this technique when writing “Mitchell [South Dakota]'s motto is ‘Mitchell More than Ever!’ I'm not sure what that means, but I could not agree more"(p.244), you’d think he was just being an obnoxious douche.

What is not in this book: "This book is not about proving the existence of liberal bias in the media, much less about the phony issue of conservative bias," because Goldberg covered that in an earlier book. However, it is sometimes necessary to revisit that proof to put his corrections into context:

"For the record: I have no problem with tough questions getting asked before a story airs. No problem at all. We ought to ask them all the time. But we don't. When the homeless lobby tells us there are millions and millions of homeless on the streets of America who look just like you and me, we put that on, even though it's wrong. When the gay lobby tells us that millions and millions of American heterosexuals who live in the suburbs are about to get AIDS and die, we put that on, even though it's wrong. And when feminists tell us the American living room becomes a killing field on Super Bowl Sunday, we go right ahead and put that on, too."(p.133)

Hopefully, things will get better now that someone has finally had the guts to speak out against the ingenuous assertions made by the powerful, well-funded homeless lobby.

Would you recommend this book to a woman? No. There is a “campaign launched by mainstream feminists and disseminated by their amen chorus in the media to establish that the lives of even little boys and girls need to be reshaped according to feminist doctrine,"(p.139) and our only hope is the element of surprise. "You want to know how bad it is? Most journalists I've spoken to over the years are in such a fog that they don't even think of the National Organization for Women as a liberal special interest group"(p.128).

Would you recommend this book to anyone who thinks that the U.S. may not be number one? Absolutely. "When an ABC News reporter offers the view that while, since September 11, terrorist has come to mean Islamic and foreign, 'many believe we have as much to fear from a homegrown group of antiabortion crusaders,' someone in the newsroom needs to stand up and say, 'Really? You really believe that many Americans think antiabortion crusaders pose as big a threat to Americans as Osama bin Laden?'"(p.298) Putting aside the issue that bin Laden himself is no longer a threat, it is essential that we question these kinds of statements; since September 11, 2001, we have seen anthrax attacks, a military base shooting, another airplane fatally crashed into a building, and at least two public assassination attempts (one successful), all carried out by American citizens. Anyone who thinks that Islamic foreigners are as much of a threat as Americans is seriously underestimating the capabilities of the greatest nation on earth (USA! USA! USA!).

What was interesting about this book? Goldberg’s examination of media’s coverage of James Dale, a scoutmaster who was fired for being gay. "The whole media discussion was basically dishonest from the start because it all but left out what the issue was really about: the concern that allowing gay scoutmasters to supervise overnights of teenage boys would at least increase the odds of boys being molested"(p.181). This refusal to acknolwedge the relevant issues is only made worse by the language employed by the news outlets, like the way they report on “pedophile priests” instead of “gay priests.”

"Why—as many liberals might ask—shouldn't reporters go out of their way to keep the vast majority of decent gay men from being unjustly stigmatized by the ghastly actions of a relative handful?
First of all, because they are journalists, not social workers or therapists, so their job is to tell the truth. Second, because the truth matters.”(p.183)

The truth is that our children are in danger, and we need to stop stigmatizing the people who want to call attention to it. "At the very least, many reasonable people can hardly be faulted for simply having doubts about sending their sons on an overnight with someone whose stated sexual preference is for males"(p.181), but this doesn’t go far enough. I’m sure that Bernard Goldberg will agree with me when I say that based on compelling evidence, we need to protect our children from contact with anyone whose stated sexual preference is for males. Maybe we can have teachers of either gender replaced by a specially produced line of androgynous robots.

Special Award: For his persistent attempts to bring the elitist liberal media types into contact with the realistic, down-to-earth residents of mainstream America, Bitterly Books is presenting Bernard Goldberg with the Salutatory John Lenin Lennon “Say I’m a Dreamer” Citation for Fostering Inter-Cultural Understanding. After his proposal to relocate various media headquarters to sites like Tupelo, Mississippi, Goldberg outlines a scenario where the two groups have a chance to share ideas and discuss opinions:

"When one of the media people says he's for stricter gun controls, he'll get the other side from one of his gun-loving neighbors. When one of the elites finds himself in a chat at the church social and says he's for 'a woman's right to choose,' his neighbor might say, 'Well, I'm pro-life; let's talk about it.' When one of the journalists says she's for gay adoptions, her new neighbor will say, 'I'm not so sure about that one; tell me why you're for it.'"(p.247)

It is every bit as heartwarming as it is impossible; this crazy pipe dream could never happen because everyone knows that liberal media elites become physically uncomfortable and wracked with spasms when brought within close proximity of a church. The only times you see them at church socials are when they’re ghoulishly canvassing the public for some background on their story about pedophile gay priests.

_{Arrogance: Rescuing America from the Media Elite by Bernard Goldberg (Warner Books, 2003, ISBN: 0-446-53191-X)}

Risky Business

Children at Risk: What You Need to Know to Protect Your Family

This book was written by: Dr. James Dobson and Gary L. Bauer, who both long for a return to the 1950s, a simpler time when sluts were shamed, gays were in the closet, and only other white people were threatening us with nukes.

What is in this book: Proof of a vast conspiracy to warp our children and subvert our values. "Perpetual and pernicious exposure to rock music is responsible, at least in part, for many of the social problems now occurring among the young, including the high suicide rate, the reported willingness of young men to rape women if given an opportunity, and the moral undermining of the next generation"(p.71). But rock music is only the first step. "Rock concerts subject masses of emotionally needy kids to deafening noises, eerie lights, wild behavior, and godless philosophies. Like an elephant during the night of fire, an adolescent begins to lose his grip on reality"(p.6). These impressionable youths then become easy targets for fiends who want to "teach students that gay and lesbian lifestyles are no less moral than heterosexual relationships, and that they typically involve long-term monogamous commitments"(p.64). It's part of their terrifying mission to "seek equivalent legal status of families for homosexual and lesbian partners"(p.65). Some of the more dangerous elements will even recruit these children in their efforts to "oppose with vengeance any effort to teach, or even mention, creation as an explanation for the earth's beginnings"(p.66). After seeing these diabolical influences collaborate in an organized war on family values, "Can there be any doubt that the American Civil Liberties Union, National Organization of Women, the National Abortion Rights Action League, People for the American Way, political liberals, and others have joined forces to drive for final victory?"(p.118)

What is not in this book: Shrewd legal analysis. The authors assert that "The Dred Scott case excluded Blacks from the protection granted by the Declaration. The Roe v. Wade case did the same for our unborn children"(p.153). However, other journalists have noted that this comparison is problematic, partly due to the fact that no fetuses are willing to testify in congress or venture back into the womb to rescue their oppressed brethren. The book also describes a religion-based sex ed program where "The state superintendent's office ruled that the district violated state regulations because their material acknowledged only the traditional family, gave limited information on contraception, was written from the pro-life perspective, and was presented strictly within the context of marriage. It is difficult to believe that those time honored concepts should be declared illegal today"(p.56). This is like saying that the government hates tacos because it closed a Mexican restaurant for health code violations.

Would you recommend this book to Thomas Edison? Yes. "Stability in society is dependent on the healthy expression of our sexual nature. If this energy within us is siphoned off in the pursuit of pleasure; if it is squandered in non-exclusive relationships; if it is perverted in same sex activities, then the culture is deprived of the working, saving, sacrificing, caring, building, growing, reproducing units known as families"(p.59). Hopefully, we could convince him to build some kind of sex battery, or possibly a sex generator, to conserve or replenish this energy. The fate of society depends on it! Without drastic protective measures, the internet will lead us down a dark path from which we may never return. "Fewer people realize how incredibly addictive pornography is to most boys during early adolescence. One exposure at just the right moment can capture a susceptible young man on the verge of manhood. He then begins a masturbatory habit that feeds on ever more explicit and violent material"(p. 9, emphasis in original).

Would you recommend this book to advocates of non-traditional marriage? Only if I thought it could turn them from their ruinous course of action. "Studies show that the absence of the father expresses itself in male children in two very different ways; it is linked to increased aggressiveness on one hand, and greater manifestations of effeminacy on the other"(p.183). This can only lead to children ending up as gays, rapists, or gay rapists. Of course, "some opinion leaders point to broken homes, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, and homosexual 'couples,' not as reasons for alarm, but rather as evidence of healthy family diversity and pluralism"(p.114). This advocacy has led society far from the way things used to be done.

"In 1960, out-of-wedlock pregnancy was a matter of shame. When it happened, couples often did a quaint thing—they got married, so that the child would have a name and the influence of the father. Girls who 'slept around' were often ostracized by their fellow students. A pregnant teenager was sent away to have the child rather than risk the censure of the community."(p.115)

And therein lies the tragedy of this normalization. Allowing any unwed teenager—be she a knocked-up slut or a victim of incest or rape—to hang around and flaunt her biology ends up harming not only the girl, but also the community that is forced to exclude and revile her.

What was interesting about this book? Its detailed map of the political landscape as influenced by lobbyist groups. "Today, there are few political and social movements as aggressive, powerful, or successful as 'gay rights' advocates. Homosexuality is no longer considered a dysfunction but rather an orientation or a 'sexual preference.' If you oppose homosexuality or condemn it from a moral perspective, you risk being labeled "homophobic"—a 'sickness' described as fear or loathing of homosexuality"(p.116). Fortunately, no one has developed programs to cure the sickness of homophobia that even come close to duplicating the methods or successes of the programs that cure homosexuality.

_{Children at Risk: What You Need to Know to Protect Your Family by Dr. James Dobson and Gary L. Bauer (Word Publishing, 1990, ISBN: 0-8499-1280-6)}

Turn on, Tune in, Eat Something

The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education

This book was written by: Grace Llewellyn, a former teacher. She writes in the book's opening thank-you pages that "that this book is not a personal attack on schoolteachers," which means they shouldn't get mad when she calls them "an arrogant profession which has preyed for a century on the nation's young"(p.99). Ms. Llewellyn is pro-teacher but anti-school because:

"Schools--and this society they represent--go beyond blocking your visionary tendencies. They further cripple you by making fun of you, as if you were not quite human, the new niggers. Why? Probably because every hierarchical society seems to need niggers to put down, and women and African-Americans won't take it anymore. When someone puts you down, you want to put somebody else down."(p.58, emphasis in original)

To further illustrate her point, Ms. Llewellyn cites the story of King Looie Katz, written by "Dr. Seuss, [a] reliable social commentator"(p.58).

What is in this book: Advice for dealing with your local school system when you want to withdraw from institutionalized education to learn at home. When communicating with school officials, "forget everything you ever learned about good writing being direct and simple; make it as long and flowery as you can"(p.97). If you have tried to work with local school administrators and find them difficult to deal with:

"Simply stop going. If you are part of a large, chaotic school district, nobody may ever have time to figure out you're missing. The same can hold if you've freshly moved to a new area--how does a school know it owns you unless you tell them? Many homeschooling families, particularly in rural areas, never register their children in schools to begin with, so the schools never realize they exist. If you never have to deal with school officials, well, you escape all the potential paperwork and nonsense they may ask you and your parents to complete."(p.101)

What is not in this book? An obsession with agonizingly specific roadmaps or overly detailed plans for learning. Children don't need schools because "Healthy kids can teach themselves what they need to know, through books, various people, thinking, and other means" (p.6). They also learn by observing role models, who "can be people you know--like your parents--or people in the news--like Sinead O'Connor or Sandra Day O'Connor"(p.124). In the book's section on "Unschooling the arts," Ms. Llewellyn lists some prominent actor role models who didn't care about high school:

"Eddie Murphy, according to Current Biography 1983, was an 'indifferent student,' and said school was 'a never-ending party, just a place to get laughs.'
Roseanne Barr, comedian and star of the TV series Roseanne, dropped out of high school at sixteen. She worked as a dishwasher and eventually started performing in comedy clubs.
And Mel Gibson told journalist Roy Sekoff, 'School bored me. I graduated, but just barely.'"(p.237)

Would you recommend this book to a fat kid? No. Ms. Llewellyn relies heavily on metaphors that link learning with eating, urging students to "read to feed your hungry head"(p.65), and warning that "being in school is like being incredibly hungry and sitting at Burger King eating too much, too fast to be satisfied, and then puking it up"(p.34). It's "food for thought"(p.58), but it might drive larger readers to the refrigerator instead of the library. And that's not even counting the fictional story about a planet where children are (incorrectly) taught to eat, which Ms. Llewellyn includes as an allegory about the dangers of institutionalizing a process that should come naturally, not to mention the book's food-based puns. "Learn to be a human bean [sic] and not instant mashed potatoes"(p.69).

Would you recommend this book to a burned-out druggie? That term is very disrespectful. After all:

"Drug abuse is a disease. Drug use, however, is often the sign of someone's intense spiritual quest. Hallucinogens can be an easy, though risky, way to tap into visionary experience"(p.57, emphasis in original)

Schools try to suppress this visionary experience because "People who are fully and permanently awakened to the wildness and beauty around them make lousy wage-slaves. On the other hand, people who are not distracted by a wellspring of spiritual and sexual yearnings can assemble clock radios or automobiles very quickly"(p.56, emphasis in original).

What was interesting about this book? The comprehensive range of high school experiences for which Ms. Llewellyn suggests alternatives, including things like graduation. "As an unschooler, don't neglect to find some way of celebrating your passage into adulthood"(p.260).
She also brings up some interesting ideas when discussing substitutes for gym class. "Unschool that body! What you can do with it in school is nothing compared to what you can with it on an icy hill or a surfboard or a green field or a horse or a bike or a dance floor"(p.239) or a stained patch of asphalt by the dumpster behind a Dairy Queen! Of course, the challenge in these activities lies in figuring out when you've gone from intramural to varsity all-star.

_{The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education by Grace Llewellyn (Lowry House, 1991, ISBN: 0-9629591-0-3)}

It's Quantastic!

God Is Not Dead: What Quantum Physics Tells Us about Our Origins and How We Should Live

This book was written by: Amit Goswami, PhD, who shows that God has left his signature on the universe. Although "these quantum signatures are made of indelible ink; they cannot be erased or rationalized away by any materialist hocus-pocus"(p.11), they are also sloppy and almost entirely illegible.

What is in this book: The marriage of science and spirituality. According to Dr. Goswami, quantum science has proven that God exists in all of us. Every possible outcome for everything exists simultaneously, and we exercise godlike powers by selecting one specific way of viewing things. "We experience a quantum object, but only when we choose a particular facet of its possibility wave [...] And in that state from which we choose, we are all one, we are in God-consciousness"(p.23). To put it another way, when performing the Schrödinger's cat experiment, the act of opening the box and seeing the cat as either alive or dead is an exercise of godlike power. "The evidence is subtle, based on the concept of the primacy of consciousness from quantum physics, which remains Greek to many people, and so the message is very slow to penetrate both scientific and popular consciousness"(p.vii, emphasis in original). This difficulty with penetration is especially troublesome for men; it happens to lots of other men and no other men at the same time, so it's tough to tell whether you should feel bad about it. It's very quantum.

What is not in this book? Miscommunication. "I hope the question of creativity being a quantum leap is not evoking images of creative people such as Newton, Michelangelo, and Martha Graham effortlessly jumping over great physical barriers"(p.77). That would be silly. Instead, you should picture Scott Bakula, dressed like Isaac Newton, competing in the long jump at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. "Think quantum!"(p.58)

Would you recommend this book to an idiot? I enjoyed this book tremendously. It turns out that "people who are more sensitive to vital energy, people with open hearts, suffer more from pangs of conscience than people who are less sensitive to vital energy, people with primarily thinking minds"(p.180), and "oversensitive" has a much nicer sound to it than "unintelligent." Anyway, the book works to "introduce the nature of the quantum signatures of the divine in some detail and expound on the experimental verification of downward causation, quantum nonlocality, discontinuity, and tangled hierarchy in psychology and biology"(p.58), so it's pretty light reading. And quantum!

Would you recommend this book to a feminist? Yes. If they've been looking for something to do since feminism died, they may want to think about "quantum activism and what we can do to evolve ourselves and our society in accordance with the evolutionary agenda of consciousness"(p.59). Towards the end of the book, Dr. Goswami explains how "Quantum activism begins when we change our worldview from a matter-based one to one based on quantum physics and the primacy of consciousness. We have begun right thinking and we ask: now that we know how to think properly about our world, what should we do about it?"(p.255)

On the other end of the spectrum, "not only does the quantum activist explore love as charity and service to others, but also in intimate relationships, even carnal relationships"(p.258), so it's cool if you like hookers. You can try quantum multitasking to explore love in intimate, carnal, and business relationships all at once.

What was interesting about this book? In the prologue, Dr. Goswami imagines how a biologist, a philosopher, and a Christian theologian would find fault with his argument. The imaginary biologist "is a white American male, complete with coat and tie loosened at the neck"(p.1), the fictional philosopher is a "tall, white American male with a shaved head looking a lot like Ken Wliber"(p.5), and the pretend theologian "ends up as a woman"(p.8). Dr. Goswami debates these strawpersons so skillfully and dismantles their criticisms so thoroughly that it's like he knew what they were going to say before they did. In fact, one might call Goswami a master debater.

_{God Is Not Dead: What Quantum Physics Tells Us about Our Origins and How We Should Live, Amit Goswami, PhD (Hampton Roads Publishing, 2008, ISBN: 978-1-57174-563-7)}

Where Eagles Dare... to Spurt

I Dare You, Tenth Edition

This book was written by: William H. Danforth, founder of the Ralston Purina company and self-made man of the old school. Mr. Danforth pulled himself up by his bootstraps and wants to show you how to do the same, pausing along the way to relate a few anecdotes about his work with the YMCA in Europe during "the World War," when the Kaiser was getting frisky and had to be put in his place.

What is in this book: A personal challenge for you to do better. Mr. Danforth believes that personal development should occur in four areas—physical, mental, social, and religious—that are like four sides of a square, "the symbol of the richer, fuller life, the emblem that you are to follow in your daring crusade"(p.22). When you accept Mr. Danforth's challenge and follow his developmental guidance, "the four-fold life is yours because underneath a body that is under control and a mind keen as a briar and a personality that sparkles at every contact, there is a religion with truth, honesty and purity at its base"(p.112).

What is not in this book: Advice for people who are afraid of accomplishment.

"True, moments of weakness and depression and laziness are going to assail you. But that is the time for battle. One forward step—one swift constructive action—will send these enemies scurrying for cover"(p.13).

Do you need Mr. Danforth to suggest some constructive actions? "I Dare You, who think life is humdrum, to start a fight"(p.xi). Or you can try some petty vandalism. "Start something! Break a window, if necessary"(p.11). Plan a boat trip through Somali waters!

"Wars and emergencies discover many unopened doors in people's lives. Why not declare War? Why not put a bomb under your capacities? Why not force a crisis?"(p.15)

Would you recommend this book to Flabby Fingers? Yes. He needs to know that Mr. Danforth has his number, saying "I dare you, Flabby Fingers, to develop into a Warm Handclasp"(p.78).

Would you recommend this book to a porn star? Yes. This book outlines some of the questions that they may want to ask themselves before a job interview:

1) Have I a capacity for hard work?
2) Can I keep everlastingly at it?
3) Have I sustained 'Pep and Punch'?
4) Do I maintain a high batting average?
5) What is my ability to spurt?" (p.25)

This book also offers practical advice for their careers, reminding them that "every time you take liberties with your physical strength, such as eating or drinking things that do not agree with you, or losing sleep, you will find that some day you will pay the price when you need the ability to spurt"(p.26).

Are you going to quote the author's use of controversial words, even when used in a completely harmless and era-appropriate context? Absolutely. Mr. Danforth describes the way a friend of his piled up his dreams to make a list of things to do. "Dreams that were wild he pulled out of the pile as he would pull a wet faggot out of the fire"(p.58), and there's no way I can stop myself from quoting that.

What was interesting about this book? There is a very real chance that you will be a failure. "Don't be tempted to Dare beyond your capacity. That may entail disappointment and discouragement"(p.117). In fact, "there are many pages that would tell that other story of those who have been dared to do the super thing, but in whose eyes the light of battle failed to gleam"(p.4), but we won't waste time talking about those losers. Instead, get to work and remember that "you'll have to adventure in No Man's Land and dig in many times before you reach your objective"(p.59). Try not to think about how you may just end up dead in a trench.

_{I Dare You, Tenth Edition, by William H. Danforth (I Dare You Committee, 1941, St. Louis, Missouri)}

Three, Two, One, Zero!

Tapping the Zero Point Energy

This book was written by: Moray B. King, an electrical engineer who speaks at energy conferences.

What is in this book: A collection of papers written by Mr. King discussing zero-point energy, "an all-pervading energy imbedded in the fabric of space consisting of fluctuations of electricity"(p.ii). This energy is often misunderstood and poorly researched because "the concepts are somewhat alien to classical physics, and difficult for many to understand since they invoke the existence of a physically real, higher dimensional space"(p.30). If it helps, you can just think that "zero-point energy[...] by some consideration is the modern term for the ether"(p.58). You know, the medium that surrounds our terrestrial sphere, not the chemical for huffing.

What is not in this book: Adherence to the status quo. King recommends performing some unpopular experiments, like examining "evidence that the zero-point energy is not a passive system but actually is a manifestation of an energy flux passing through our space orthogonally from other dimensions"(p.12). It seems worth examining when he asks "What governs physics--popularity or experimentation?"(p.30) until you realize that some subjects are unpopular because experimentation has proven that they don't work.

Special Bitterly Books scientific advisor SolarTungsten says: Zero point energy isn't what most people think it is. Of course, most people think it's some kind of engine that runs off of your unrequited love for Tasha Yarr. King's work linking the vacuum fluctuations to cold fusion is an especially strange thing to do, but it's pretty common for science and medicine cranks to try and combine as many discarded ideas as they can under one roof. It's like a Katamari Damacy of retardation.

Would you recommend this book to a physicist? They have time to read? I thought they were too busy, spending all their time drinking expensive liquor with attractive women in in hot tubs, expensive cars, and nightclubs. Maybe I'm thinking of biochemists.

Would you recommend this book to horticulturalists? Yes, I would jump at the chance. First I'd tell them that T.H. Moray has made some revolutionary breakthroughs. Then I'd point out the passage that describes how "[T.H.] Moray powered his [solid state amplifying] valve by doping his Germanium with radioactive materials"(p.48). Then I'd closely watch their faces for that moment of disappointment when they spot the extra "m" and realize that he's talking about the element, not the plant. Good luck winning the spring flower show with that, suckers!

What was interesting about this book? Buried at the end of this book, King introduces the Prometheus game. You play by asking yourself, "If you were an angel who had the knowledge to seed the discovery of free energy on planet earth, would you love this planet and its beings enough to share your gift without any reward or recognition? If you can answer yes, then you are a master of the Prometheus game and you will find, as I have, that wonderful, synchronistic events and experiences accrue that yield inspiration and guidance"(p.172). Sadly, I have not mastered this game; if I had the knowledge he was talking about, I'd hold it ransom for a huge pile of money. That way I could spend the rest of my life living like a biochemist.

_{Tapping the Zero Point Energy by Moray B. King (Adventures Unlimited Press, 2002, ISBN: 978-1931882002)}

Dueserpenti Review: I Was Dreaming When I Wrote This, So Sue Me if I Go Too Fast

The following review was written by guest writer dueserpenti, freelance smartass.

Nostradamus 1999

This book was written by: Stephan Paulus, retired martial arts instructor, self-described Nostradamus hobbyist, and “the only author to explore the link between the prophesies and a battle-by-battle vision of World War III [, ...] connect Nostradamus' prophesies with Islamic end-time prophesies [, ...and] with prophesies from the Book of Revelation” (So sayeth the back flap). His other hobbies include organic gardening, aerobics, and home improvement.

What is in this book: Bad news. According to Nostradamus, a comet is going to hit the Earth in July of 1999. As if that wasn't bad enough, out of the ashes rises a pan-Islamic state led by the Madhi, The Antichrist, the Muslim Jesus, (yes, these are all separate people) and two Nostradamus bonus characters, the Man in the Blue Turban and the Man in the White Turban. Naturally, they're bent on world domination, but finally get defeated by a coalition of American, British, French, Russian, and Swiss forces after twenty-seven years of hard fighting. Having won the day for democracy, they appoint a Frenchman to be king of the world. At least Henry V ends up ruling the Earth with justice and wisdom for many years, establishing a dynasty that continues into the 22nd century and possibly beyond, although it's hard to be specific after that.

Mind you, it's no picnic before then, either. It's a good thing we have the expert guidance of Mr. Paulus to lead us through it. We probably could have guessed that “The year 1999, the seventh month,” (Century 10, Quatrain 72) in Nostradamus' work “should be interpreted [... as] the seventh month of the year 1999” (3). But when another quatrain refers to worldwide “plague, famine and death” (1:16) between the years 1994 and 1996, “That was close enough [...] that it may apply” (82).

Likewise, only Stephan Paulus knows how the Antichrist can simultaneously be from Russia (101), China (106), and Turkey (108). Nor is he afraid to challenge conventional wisdom in his field. While most Nostradamus scholars believe that mentions of “Libra” refer to the constellation of the same name, Paulus argues that “Libra can only be the United States. Libra is pictured [...] holding a scale [...] The same symbol is found [...] outside the Supreme Court building in Washington, D.C. Second, the Latin word for liberty is 'Libertas.' [...] Nostradamus uses the word 'Libra' here as an anagram [sic] of the Latin 'Libertas.' [....] the Statue of Liberty [...] was a gift from the French people” (217-18).

What is not in this book: Any confidence whatsoever in the prophesies of Nostradamus. Having spent 250 pages constructing a truly exhaustive history of the 21st century, the author includes an appendix in which he admits that, of those prophesies which have already passed their expiration date, “Nostradamus' final accuracy rate for his dated quatrains is one-and-a-half for seven, slightly over 21%” (256). Believe me, that number is more than generous. So is the conclusion he takes from it: “Nostradamus was wrong more often than he was right. Still, he was right at least part of the time [...] it probably will not occur, but what if it does? [...] There is simply too much to lose to assume he was wrong” (257).

Would you recommend this Book to Prince? No. He would be heartbroken to learn that in the future there is only one Prince. His name is Ogmios, son of Henry V, and he will ascend to the throne upon his father's death to rule with justice and wisdom (247).

Would you recommend this Book to a Meteorologist? Yes. Forecasting five centuries in advance is undoubtedly harder than five days, but that 21% success rate has still got to make the average weatherman feel pretty good about his own accuracy.

What is interesting about this book: The author's stoic resignation about the future, whatever it may hold. As he says in his final Author's Note, “Whether I am right or wrong, we are all going to die anyway, within a few short decades at most” (268). Now that's prophesy you can believe in.

_{Nostradamus 1999 by Stephan Paulus (Llewellyn Publications, 1996, ISBN: 978-1567185157)}

Have you chosen YOUR path?

Crossroads: The Teenage Girl's Guide to Emotional Wounds

This book was written by: Suzy Weibel, a youth minister, and Stephanie Smith, a Gotee recording artist. In case you were unaware that Ms. Smith was a Gotee recording artist, this information is provided on the front cover, the back cover, the title page, the introduction, and on pages 131-134, where she recounts how she met and signed a deal with TobyMac (the Christian hip-hop mogul, not the failed housing lender).

What is in this book: This 156-page book features almost 100 pages that Stephanie Smith may have written herself, or at least dictated to her co-author. Each chapter—or "track", as the book calls them—is titled after a track from Stephanie's debut album, following her struggles as she grows up without a father. Stephanie notes that "God has done a lot in my heart, but I still crave a daddy sometimes"(p.145).

In the "Choose Your Playlist" and "Your Song" sections of each chapter, Stephanie engages the reader directly with questions to think about and action steps to take before the "So You Want to Be a Rock Star?" sections "visit the stories of ordinary people who have found themselves at all kinds of crossroads"(p.10).

What is not in this book: The kind of shallow thinking one associates with young girls. Smith challenges her readers, giving them things to think about and not pulling any punches. "It is seriously tough out there in the world. I don't want to depress anybody right off the bat, but if you pay any attention at all, you know what I'm talking about"(p.12). That's right, "life usually doesn't work out as neatly as in our plans or dreams"(p.50). Smith also uses similes that her readers can relate to, like when "messages of rejection from my dad and from Chris affixed themselves to my brain like a stubborn piece of already-been-chewed gum to the underside of a school cafeteria table"(p.61), and she refrains from some of the angsty excesses of her contemporaries when describing emotionally loaded scenes, like when "the midnight hour found me crying an absolute river of brokenness, repentance, and confession on a spare bed at my mentor's house"(p.87). Most importantly, Smith is honest with herself and her readers. "I don't know that this is the most profound thought I've ever had, but I began to think, You know, it is only because I was born where I was that I've known the life I've known."(p.118)

Would you recommend this book to a fan of Britney Spears? No, it would be my sad obligation to inform them that this is not, in fact, the novelization of Ms. Spears' breathtaking, cinematic coming-of-age story.

Would you recommend this book to someone about to meet with the Reverend Mother? Yes. Observe:

"Sometimes when hurt blindsides us, we react like wounded animals. Feeling cornered and taken by surprise, it is only natural to want to take out our claws and put a good scratch on our attacker. But wait a minute. That's not how animals think. That's how humans think.
When an animal is wounded, it doesn't strike out with the intent to harm. I know that sounds crazy, but animals don't possess cognitive reasoning skills. An animal strikes out to create an escape route and hopefully to save its own life—not for revenge or justice"(p.50)

Now you are ready to face her Gom Jabbar.

Would you recommend this book to someone from outside of Pennsylvania? Never! This book reveals that Pennsylvania is not only the sanctuary that offers Smith's mother an escape from her abusive husband (p.30), but also the location of (cancer-curing) Hershey Medical Center (p.24), a Christian high school that saves a girl from "a messed-up future"(p.142), a church where a young mother on the wrong track manages to turn her life and marriage around (p.94), a bed and breakfast where a woman forgives her husband and gives their marriage another chance (p.108), and the Penn State Softball team (p.23). True, there's a farm in central Pennsylvania where some guy's dad is kind of a jerk (p.54), but the book illustrates how this magical state has spelled salvation for Stephanie and at least six others. Allowing this book to spread the word would be a disaster. We must protect our Shangri-la from the auslanders!

What was interesting about this book? Although you should see a counselor if you need serious mental help, "it is of utmost importance that counseling be based on the foundation of God's Word"(p.66) because secular counseling is inherently defective.
However, it may have been the choices offered by Ms. Smith that were most interesting, like the choice between "two coats I could put on as I stepped into this plan: God's 'better' or my own coat, the one named 'bitter.' Which coat are you going to wear?"(p.107) I know the answer to that one! Smith also asks "Are you willing to believe that God is who he says he is and that his promises of care and love and presence are true? Or are you going to believe you're stuck in a life that will never work out and that you have no choice but to be unhappy, bitter, and disconnected?"(p.10) I know how I'm going to answer that one, too!
So really this book—and God's love—is all about not being afraid to look within yourself to find the answers that God put there.



_{Crossroads: The Teenage Girl's Guide to Emotional Wounds by Gotee Recording Artist Stephane Smith & Suzy Weibel (Zondervan, 2008, ISBN: 978-0-310-28550-2)}

Mysterious but Superfun

The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed

This book was written by: Erik von Markovik, a.k.a. "Mystery," and his good friend Chris Odom, two young men who love their mothers.

What is in this book: Tactics and strategy. Erik and Chris know that women are terrifying creatures capable of indescribable violence, which is why they are arming readers with techniques like the "shotgun", " sniper," and the "throw and go rule"(p.98-99) along with a host of acronyms and strategies to safely dehumanize the process of talking to other people (see diagram from page 144). These will help you subdue your quarry and prove your worth as a human being. After all, "if you can't attract a woman, you are, by dictionary definition, sterile"(p.xv), and your life's highest purpose is to survive and replicate ("S-and-R"). The good news is that "Just because it's a matter of life and death doesn't mean the process of attracting women can't be superfun!"(p.xiii)

What is not in this book: An unnecessarily restrictive view of women and the gifts they have to offer. You might not have realized that they have uses outside of the bedroom, but "A pivot is a female friend whom you bring into the field in order to build social proof, open sets, create jealousy, and distract obstacles. In return for her services, you show her a good time and help her to meet guys"(p.121). A pivot should not be confused with a pawn:

"With women of particular quality, it's often necessary to demonstrate preselection when gaming them. Before you open a set with a 10, for instance, you may first open an adjacent set with a 7 or 8, attract her, and put her on your arm. She is now your good natured pawn. With this demonstration of preselection firmly in place, open the set with the 10. It should open easily due to your high perceived value. Your approach is also much less threatening with another woman on your arm.
At some point when you are in A3 with the 10, where she is earning your affections, you will be able to 'choose' her over the 7. The 7 may then return to her friends, unharmed in any way."(p.121)

Hee hee. He said "firmly." He also said "threatening" and "unharmed," but I wasn't paying attention to that part.

Would you recommend this book to someone suffering from narcolepsy? That's a tough question. On the one hand, they don't have to worry about having too high of an energy level when trying to pick up women. This is important because "if your energy is too high, sets will easily hook, but closing will be more difficult and girls will more often accuse you of being gay"(p.78). However, if they fall asleep during the early parts of the book, they'll be completely confused later on when it starts telling them to do things like "If she defies your compliance test, give her an IOD, followed by a DHV and then another compliance test"(p.143, and no, those are not other names for GHB—I checked!).

Would you recommend this book to that creepy dude who is always hanging out at the public library? Yes. I'm betting he's already familiar with the idea that "all humans possess a built-in motivation to stay away from people with low or negative social value"(p.17), but he would be interested to learn that "being bubbly and wanting to dance" is actually a shield that women use "to protect themselves from men with a low perceived S-and-R [Survival and Replication] value"(p.75). He would definitely agree with the passage about how "not holding her hands, smelling her neck, or kissing her during the comfort stage can trap you [in the sex-free "friend zone"]"(p.59) and its furtherance of a pro-neck-sniffing agenda.
Mostly, I think it will save him the trouble of checking out a copy of Eugenics for Sex Offenders. "Just as a superior basketball player limited by lousy teammates must escape and join a better team in order to win, so, too, must a superior gene escape from its inferior gene-mates and be given a chance to join a better genetic team for its continued survival. This method of escape is called crossbreeding"(p.11, emphasis in original).

What was interesting about this book? Subtle nuances are essential for both the accomplished pickup artist and the reader of this book. On the one hand, "there is only one type of close, really: sex. Are you a closer?"(p.189, N.B., "sex" was in boldface in the original). However, slipping it to some skank in "a nearby bathroom stall [....] is a fool's mate fantasy and not solid game"(p.57-58). Similarly, if you decide to approach a woman because she is attractive, "we cannot let her know we're choosing her based on looks because it doesn't seem genuine and makes us appear like other typical men"(p.53).
It is also interesting how comprehensive the book's advice is, covering every aspect of meeting and breeding women up to and including overcoming their resistance to the idea of sleeping with you. "Last-minute resistance is a fear that women experience just prior to having sex, similar to the way that men experience approach anxiety. It is your responsibility to ease her through this"(p.206). Yeah, ease her through it all night long.

_{The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed by Mystery (Erik von Markovik) with Chris Odom (St. Martin's Press, 2007, ISBN: 978-0-312-36011-5)}