April 1, 2010

Mysterious but Superfun

This book is actually copyrighted by Mystery Method Corporation. I'm not kidding.
The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed

This book was written by: Erik von Markovik, a.k.a. "Mystery," and his good friend Chris Odom, two young men who love their mothers.

What is in this book: Tactics and strategy. Erik and Chris know that women are terrifying creatures capable of indescribable violence, which is why they are arming readers with techniques like the "shotgun", " sniper," and the "throw and go rule"(p.98-99) along with a host of acronyms and strategies to safely dehumanize the process of talking to other people (see diagram from page 144). These will help you subdue your quarry and prove your worth as a human being. After all, "if you can't attract a woman, you are, by dictionary definition, sterile"(p.xv), and your life's highest purpose is to survive and replicate ("S-and-R"). The good news is that "Just because it's a matter of life and death doesn't mean the process of attracting women can't be superfun!"(p.xiii)

What is not in this book: An unnecessarily restrictive view of women and the gifts they have to offer. You might not have realized that they have uses outside of the bedroom, but "A pivot is a female friend whom you bring into the field in order to build social proof, open sets, create jealousy, and distract obstacles. In return for her services, you show her a good time and help her to meet guys"(p.121). A pivot should not be confused with a pawn:
"With women of particular quality, it's often necessary to demonstrate preselection when gaming them. Before you open a set with a 10, for instance, you may first open an adjacent set with a 7 or 8, attract her, and put her on your arm. She is now your good natured pawn. With this demonstration of preselection firmly in place, open the set with the 10. It should open easily due to your high perceived value. Your approach is also much less threatening with another woman on your arm.
At some point when you are in A3 with the 10, where she is earning your affections, you will be able to 'choose' her over the 7. The 7 may then return to her friends, unharmed in any way.

Hee hee. He said "firmly." He also said "threatening" and "unharmed," but I wasn't paying attention to that part.

Page 144. Who knew that meeting other people was so complicated?
Would you recommend this book to someone suffering from narcolepsy? That's a tough question. On the one hand, they don't have to worry about having too high of an energy level when trying to pick up women. This is important because "if your energy is too high, sets will easily hook, but closing will be more difficult and girls will more often accuse you of being gay"(p.78). However, if they fall asleep during the early parts of the book, they'll be completely confused later on when it starts telling them to do things like "If she defies your compliance test, give her an IOD, followed by a DHV and then another compliance test"(p.143, and no, those are not other names for GHB—I checked!).

Would you recommend this book to that creepy dude who is always hanging out at the public library? Yes. I'm betting he's already familiar with the idea that "all humans possess a built-in motivation to stay away from people with low or negative social value"(p.17), but he would be interested to learn that "being bubbly and wanting to dance" is actually a shield that women use "to protect themselves from men with a low perceived S-and-R [Survival and Replication] value"(p.75). He would definitely agree with the passage about how "not holding her hands, smelling her neck, or kissing her during the comfort stage can trap you [in the sex-free "friend zone"]"(p.59) and its furtherance of a pro-neck-sniffing agenda.
Mostly, I think it will save him the trouble of checking out a copy of Eugenics for Sex Offenders. "Just as a superior basketball player limited by lousy teammates must escape and join a better team in order to win, so, too, must a superior gene escape from its inferior gene-mates and be given a chance to join a better genetic team for its continued survival. This method of escape is called crossbreeding"(p.11, emphasis in original).

Page 12. He seriously refers to picking up chicks as Venusian arts.
What was interesting about this book? Subtle nuances are essential for both the accomplished pickup artist and the reader of this book. On the one hand, "there is only one type of close, really: sex. Are you a closer?"(p.189, N.B., "sex" was in boldface in the original). However, slipping it to some skank in "a nearby bathroom stall [....] is a fool's mate fantasy and not solid game"(p.57-58). Similarly, if you decide to approach a woman because she is attractive, "we cannot let her know we're choosing her based on looks because it doesn't seem genuine and makes us appear like other typical men"(p.53).
It is also interesting how comprehensive the book's advice is, covering every aspect of meeting and breeding women up to and including overcoming their resistance to the idea of sleeping with you. "Last-minute resistance is a fear that women experience just prior to having sex, similar to the way that men experience approach anxiety. It is your responsibility to ease her through this"(p.206). Yeah, ease her through it all night long.

The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed by Mystery (Erik von Markovik) with Chris Odom (St. Martin's Press, 2007, ISBN: 978-0-312-36011-5)

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Anonymous said...

so...it is the pick up artist's responsibility to conclude the evening with date rape?

Bitterly Books said...

Oh, the date rape is a foregone conclusion if the pick up artist is serious about proving that he's not sterile and acting out his life's purpose. The responsibility that comes along with that is helping her feel o.k. with the fact that she is getting/has been date raped.

Anonymous said...

I like how there are manuals guys read to learn how to be emotionally distant dickhead boyfriends. And these manuals are often bestsellers. The world is a wonderful and magical place.

Bitterly Books said...

There are manuals out there for everything. Nonfiction is a wonderful and magical place.

However, I start to bristle when people use the word "bestseller" like it actually means something. There are so many bestseller lists out there, and their methodology is so flawed, that calling something a "bestseller" is kind of worthless as a mark of distinction.

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