September 28, 2008

Celebrity Recommendations

You are in an airport bookstore where you bump into Samuel L. Jackson. He's holding a copy of For Mothers of Difficult Daughters and heading towards the register.
Should you say something?

You are in an elevator at work when a glum-looking Al Gore taps you on the shoulder. "Hey," he says, "I was on my way to an important environmental symposium when I found this book on the end of the world. Do you think it's any good?"
What do you tell him?

You are sent back in time to 1898 clutching your most prized possession, a well-read copy of The Memory Key. You spot a stouthearted young man of fighting age who is looking for something to read.
Do you share your book with him?

Are you kept awake at night by worries that you might find yourself in one of the above situations? It's why Bitterly Books provides celebrity recommendations. With just one click, you'll know which books these people--and the other high-profile individuals who count on you so regularly for your discerning taste in literature--should read and which to steer clear of.

Bitterly Books is currently offering book recommendations for:

Al Gore
Andrew Dice Clay
Angelina Jolie
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Ashton Kutcher
Better Business Bureau Members
Billy Mays
Bob Barker
Boy Scouts
Calista Flockhart
Carrot Top
Chili Cook-Off Judges
Christine McVie
Classical Musicians
Cole Porter
Damaged Individuals in Search of Completion
Daniel Day-Lewis
Davy Jones
Dennis Day
Dick Cheney
Digital Underground
Dilbert Fans
Dina Lohan
Doctor Bunsen Honeydew
Don Roberts
Doomsday Fetishists
Doris Day
Douglas Corrigan
Ed O'Neill
Eric Estrada
Families of the Incarcerated
Federally Protected Witnesses
Fox Mulder
Frances Day
Francis Day
Gandalf (Gray or White)
Graham Day
Gullible Rubes
Hannah Montana's Fans
Hap Day
Heidi Fleiss
Hollywood Studio Executives
Hook-Handed Men
Howie Day
Hulk Hogan
Intelligent Design Proponents
International Whaling Commission Members
Jack Bauer
Jack D. Ripper
Jamie Lynn Spears
Jenna Jameson
Jenny Craig
John McCain
John McEnroe
Kat Von D
Kate Moss
Laraine Day
Larry Flynt
Larry Storch
The Liberal Media
Lil' Kim
Literary Agents
Lou Dobbs
Marty McFly
Marv Albert
Maureen Flannigan
Maury Povich
Mel Gibson
Memory Loss Victims
Michael Nesmith
Micky Dolenz
Middle-Class, White Suburban Youths
Monty Python Fans
Missy Elliott
Norman Schwarzkopf
Pat Robertson
Pathmark Customers
People Diagnosed with Attention Defecit Disorder
People Planning to Be Sent to Prison
Peter Tork
Power Lifters
Professional Wrestlers
R. Kelly
Rand McNally
Richard Gere
Robin Day
Ryan Day
Samuel L. Jackson
Sandra Day O'Connor
Scarlett O'Hara
Schoolteachers Who Care
Serial Killers
Someone with a Speech Impediment
Steven Seagal
Stockwell Day
Stouthearted Young Men of Fighting Age from the Year 1898
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Thomas Haden Church
Tom Cullen
Tom Jones
Tony Hawk
U.S. Attorneys General
Video Game Nerds
War Widows
Warren Buffett
William R. Day
Willy Brandt
Wonder Woman

You're welcome.

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September 15, 2008

The Jesus Horoscopes

The Real Meaning of the Zodiac by D. James Kennedy, PhD (TCRM Publishing, 1989, ISBN 1929626142)

This book was written by: Nancy Britt, who compiled and edited sermons on the zodiac given by Dr. D. James Kennedy.

What is in this book: The truth about the night sky. “God has given a story of His salvation from which have come most of the ancient mythologies and ancient traditions”(p.12). It turns out that “the Mazzaroth--the signs of the zodiac—are brought forth each night by God,”(p.137, emphasis in original) specifically to show the Christian gospel.
What God put in the stars is a glorious sky-painting of Jesus Christ as the Lord of Glory”(p.10). For example, the signs of Pisces and Capricorn show how “we have been transformed by Christ into new creatures in order that we might escape the death-dealing clutches of Satan”(p.70).
The book goes on to state that “the theory we are presenting is that God revealed that message to Adam and to his sons and grandsons and that message has gone into all of the civilizations of the world and has been passed down through the centuries”(p.13). This can be proven in the way that “the sphinx actually unlocks the mystery of the zodiac”(p.19). Dr. Kennedy is preaching the zodiac “to show the true origin of pagan mythologies as a distortion of God’s original revelation”(p.151). That’s right. The cave paintings, the Mayan calendar, Angkor Wat? Even the stuff built before Jesus is all about Jesus.

What is not in this book: Confusion and trickery. “The modern corruption of astrology expresses the idea that some mysterious, magical, and supernatural powers emanate from the houses of the zodiac, which affect and control destiny and lives. That is the lie of Satan which will destroy every soul that believes it”(p.10). The truth of the matter is that “the gospel in the stars is just another example of God’s original message being perverted by Satan and sinful men”(p.10), but “it is well that you have nothing to do with modern astrology whatsoever because of its corruption and satanic aspects”(p.13).
In fact, the corruption of astrology is even recognized by heathens, as “one secular physician stated that astrology makes people dependent. It weakens their character; it deprives them of their ability to make intelligent and rational choices”(p.140), but even so, “another company has astrological services located on the campuses of two thousand universities in this country. You see what our students are learning?”(p.139)
If we are to learn the truth about our lord and savior Jesus Christ, “we are to have nothing to do with this pagan corruption”(p.138). Dr. Kennedy’s book is a cleansing bath of lye upon the clogged drains of modern astrology, for “even now, just as they are trying to clean the dirt from the Sistine Chapel to find the original painting, so we can move away some of the incrustations of pagan myths and see the great truth that is behind the signs of the zodiac”(p.70).

Would you recommend this book to Tom Cullen from The Stand? Yes, if he is one of the deluded masses who have been told that the stars have influence over his life. “Astrologers try to justify this by saying that the moon influences the tides and it influences people’s emotions, which is absolutely true”(p.14). M-O-O-N, that spells influence. Laws, yes.

Would you recommend this book to a Hollywood studio executive? Probably not. There no pictures, and it is not the book version of the Jamie Kennedy Experiment.

What is interesting about this book: Its advice to counter cheap pick-up lines by spreading the word of the Lord. When someone asks about your sign, tell them that you were born twice. “This usually elicits the question: ‘Oh! What do you mean?’ That answer gives you a good entry into spiritual matters, and if you can’t be off and running with that, you don’t know much about sharing the Gospel”(p.138).

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September 1, 2008

Stop Being Narrow-Minded About Pregnancy

Big, Beautiful, & Pregnant: Expert Advice and Comforting Wisdom for the Expecting Plus-Size Woman by Cornelia van der Ziel, MD, and Jacqueline Tourville (Malone & Company, 2006, ISBN: 1-56924-319-0)

This book was written by: Cornelia van der Ziel, an obstetrician specializing in plus-sized and high-risk pregnancy, and Jacqueline Tourvile, who "became pregnant just as her weight reached an all-time high"(p.3).

What is in this book: Solidarity, helping plus-size women to stand together and confront the tyranny of the massless. The authors "interviewed numerous plus-sized women"(p.4) and "throughout this book, you will hear from members of this big, beautiful, and pregnant sisterhood"(p.5) "The sisters are here to share a few stories and tips of their own"(p.8). For example, REBECCA, Age 29, shares the pain she felt "ordering what I always did after a bad day at work—two cheeseburgers, two large French fries, and—ironically—two small diet sodas. I ordered two of everything so it looked like I was just picking up dinner to eat at home with my husband. [....] I was not eating out of extreme hunger. I ate this way to feel numb"(p.118). This book is designed to help women "call on the sisterhood,," the "plus-sized women who blazed the pregnancy trail before you”(p.181).

What is not in this book: Denial. It’s a fact that plus-size women encounter societal and physical difficulties during their pregnancy. "It may seem a trivial issue, but small things like being given a hospital gown that obviously doesn’t fit and then feeling obligated to wear it really does matter to your overall birthing experience(p.196). This book encourages you to be honest with yourself and "Congratulate yourself on doing a great job being pregnant"(p.19). One sister celebrated her pregnant body by making a plaster belly cast and writes that "two years later, my belly cast still hangs prominently on our living room wall"(p.183). The book also notes that while plus-size women may spend more time in labor, "when looked at individually, of course, plus-size experiences vary widely"(p.197). Hee hee. Widely.

Would you recommend this book to Arnold Schwarzenegger? You realize that Junior was only a movie, right? He wasn’t actually pregnant.

Would you recommend this book to Kate Moss? Not unless she has some exceptionally fat ovaries that we don’t know about.

What was interesting about this book: "Belly painting is another fun, creative way to celebrate your pregnant body. With your belly as the canvas, let your partner, friends, or your other children transform your belly into anything from a smiling jack-o’-lantern to a multicolored Easter egg, fish tank, or snow globe"(p.185). Alternatively, one could paint a giant eyeball, the death star, or a tribute to the chestburster from Ridley Scott’s life-affirming story of transition and birth, Alien.

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