Are you trying to raise money for a pet project? Are your billionaire friends a bunch of tightwads who wouldn't donate a dollar bill to save their own kin from a firing squad? Getting them to give until it hurts is easy with the Peter Lewis Guide to Soliciting Charitable Donations, as described in Ralph Nader's Only the Super-Rich Can Save Us!
- STEP 1: Spy on them. "I've got his net-worth details on my desk, and they show he's lying through his teeth."(p.206)
- STEP 2: Quote Kid Rock lyrics to them. "Bruce, I was born at night but not last night"(p.206, baby).
- STEP 3: Discuss their interests. "Last year you gave five million just to encourage Jews to marry Jews. What kind of country do you want their children to grow up in?"(p.207) A segregated one, obviously, so tailor your pitch accordingly.
- STEP 4: Remind them that they can afford to pay. "You've had a bang-up year in commercial real estate, flat out and nonstop."(p.207) Since he's going to keep making money at that pace forever, he'll be more amenable to sharing some of it.
- STEP 5: Smoothly return the conversation to whatever it was you were talking about. "Now, when do you want to have lunch?"(p.207)