March 1, 2010

Hey, Ladies! Fill Your Funnel!

Love is not a battlefield, it is a sales pitch.

You Lost Him at Hello: A Saleswoman's Secrets to Closing the Deal with Any Guy You Want

This book was written by: Jess McCann, dating consultant and reality television contestant.

What is in book: Ms. McCann's distilled sales expertise, as practiced in the meat market. For example, a skilled marketer finds success through volume. "Think about it, you can either date one man every six months and then in five years you will have dated ten guys. Or you can date ten guys in one year and in five years you will have dated fifty guys!"(p.85). It's also important to package yourself properly. "When you first start dating someone you want it to be pretty obvious that other men find you attractive,"(p.138) but be careful, because "telling a guy that you're a catch isn't going to convince him that you are one"(p.23). This business-oriented approach to dating may be off-putting to some readers, and "when I first began discussing the correlation between dating and sales, many of my friends had a hard time accepting the idea because of the stigma behind it"(p.17). However, you may not be aware of the fact that you're already selling things all the time. "From the moment you wake up and decide what outfit is most likely to impress your boss, until later that night when you convince your girlfriends where to eat dinner, you are constantly engaging in sales"(p.18). So get out there and sell your heart out, literally! (Just be sure that no money actually changes hands, because that would be illegal.)

What is not in this book: Dirty euphemisms. Oh sure, McCann talks about how "Anne should have been filling her funnel all along, instead of presuming that she and Charlie were a couple with a future,"(p.80) and "never let the funnel dry up. It's a cardinal rule,"(p.78) but it's about your funnel for sale prospects, so get your mind out of the gutter.

His life's work subverted for an off-color joke.Would you recommend this book to Emily Post? Yes. Despite urging you to date early and often, Ms. McCann is a model of restraint. "In dating, bullets are a woman's valuables, such as kissing, making out, and the biggest bullet of all, sex [....] If you throw out all your bullets right away, you have nothing left to keep a man's interest"(p.144). There are dire consequences for giving it all away too soon:
In the back of his head he will always think you sleep around. It won't matter if you tell him that you don't typically do that sort of thing and he's the only one you have ever done this with. All he will hear is the Charlie Brown schoolteacher: "Womp womp, womp womp."(p.151)
And that "womp womp, womp womp" will be the bedsprings! Am I right, fellas?

Would you recommend this book to women who do not enjoy playing games? Yes, because they had better learn to love it if they're serious about finding a man. Ms. McCann mentions that some women out there think that "doing what they feel like seems natural, and dating strategically sounds too orchestrated. What they want is to meet someone, be honest about their feelings, and have someone love them for who they are"(p.30, emphasis in original). These women are doomed.
The fact is that:
Girls that say they don't play games either:
1. Don't know how to play,
2. Are too lazy to play, or
3. Don’t have enough discipline to play.
(p.32)

FILL THE FUNNEL. Hopefully linking to the Seattle Weekly article that used this photo fulfills my attribution requirements.What was interesting about this book? Honesty is worthless. "You can never convince someone to date you, let alone love you, by telling them how much you need or love them"(p.21). So stay aloof, keep him interested, and never show your true colors. "Remember, as long as a guy is not 100 percent sure of how you feel about him, he will be afraid he could lose you at any moment, and that fear of loss will keep him begging for more"(p.197). Ms. McCann recognizes that this path may be difficult, and that you may be tempted just to lay it all on the line and be up front with him. "Unfortunately, you can't do that. Whether you like it or not, relationships just don't work that way, especially in the beginning"(p.30). And most importantly, DO NOT LET HIM FIND YOU READING THIS BOOK. "If you tell him you are doing all these things on purpose, with an agenda, he really will think you are playing a game"(p.126). Date as many men as you can, let them know you're attractive but don't directly tell them you're a catch, and get your head in the game even though he can't find out that you're playing a game. "Remember ladies, fill the funnel"(p.85).

You Lost Him at Hello: A Saleswoman's Secrets to Closing the Deal with Any Guy You Want by Jess McCann (Health Communications Inc., 2008, ISBN: 978-0-7573-0713-3)

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2 comments:

THE FUCK INQUISITOR said...

This comments section is lonely.

Anyway I liked the bit about "don't play games" "if he finds you reading this he'll think you're playing games" which shows she thinks it isn't a game to alter your behavior to reach a more favorable outcome.

Bitterly Books said...

Thanks!

There were actually two anonymous comments earlier that were, um, "moderated." They wanted to provide additional background information on Ms. McCann, but their tone didn't justify keeping them. It might have ended differently if someone was willing to attach an identity to them.

I think you're right about the "no games" statement, though. A lot of the book's opening was trying to psych readers up to start doing things differently, that it wasn't about playing games, it was about doing what was required to get results.

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