The God Delusion

God's Debris

(free, available online)

This book was written by: Scott Adams, the creator of the controversial "Dilbert" comic strip, an aspiring restaurateur, and an accomplished puppeteer.

What is in this book?
*bong noises*

There is something about eyes that supports God’s inevitable reassembly.(p.72)

*bong noises*

When we feel the warmth of sunlight, we are feeling the effect of increased probabilities and, therefore, increased activity of our skin cells, not the effect of photons striking our skin.(p.88)

*bong noises*

If, as you say, our minds are delusion generators, then we’re all like blind and deaf sea captains shouting orders into the universe and hoping it makes a difference. (p.121)

*impact noise*

What is not in this book? Action. Or much of anything else, really.

“Then you believe we can only know things that have been tested?” he asked.
“I’m not saying that.”
“Then you’re not saying anything, are you?”
It felt that way.(p.24)

Would you recommend this book to a chubby, singularity-worshipping transhumanist? No, because that would mean actually talking with one of them. However, parts of this book may resonate with them.

I will admit I’m not the life of any party. Whenever I try to inject something interesting into a conversation everyone gets quiet until someone changes the topic. I think I’m pretty interesting but no one else does. All of the popular people seem to babble about nothing, but I usually have something interesting to say. You’d think people would like that.(p.106)

Would you recommend this book to anyone? If I was cornered by a knife-wielding automaton of a human being who needed some kind of instruction manual for interactions with others—and he insisted that it had to be written by a cartoonist—I would suggest that he read pages 105-114, the chapter on "Relationships." And I'd feel terrible about myself afterwards.

What was interesting about this book? The entire book's 132-page argument can be summed up in one sentence: The only thing for an omnipotent god is to do is kill himself, so he must have succeeded and we are the thinking bits left over that work towards the singularity that will rebuild him (so buckle up).

"God’s reassembly requires people—living, healthy people," he said. "When you buckle your seat belt, you increase your chances of living. That is obeying probability. If you get drunk and drive without a seat belt, you are fighting probability."(p.99)

Turn on, Tune in, Eat Something

The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education

This book was written by: Grace Llewellyn, a former teacher. She writes in the book's opening thank-you pages that "that this book is not a personal attack on schoolteachers," which means they shouldn't get mad when she calls them "an arrogant profession which has preyed for a century on the nation's young"(p.99). Ms. Llewellyn is pro-teacher but anti-school because:

"Schools--and this society they represent--go beyond blocking your visionary tendencies. They further cripple you by making fun of you, as if you were not quite human, the new niggers. Why? Probably because every hierarchical society seems to need niggers to put down, and women and African-Americans won't take it anymore. When someone puts you down, you want to put somebody else down."(p.58, emphasis in original)

To further illustrate her point, Ms. Llewellyn cites the story of King Looie Katz, written by "Dr. Seuss, [a] reliable social commentator"(p.58).

What is in this book: Advice for dealing with your local school system when you want to withdraw from institutionalized education to learn at home. When communicating with school officials, "forget everything you ever learned about good writing being direct and simple; make it as long and flowery as you can"(p.97). If you have tried to work with local school administrators and find them difficult to deal with:

"Simply stop going. If you are part of a large, chaotic school district, nobody may ever have time to figure out you're missing. The same can hold if you've freshly moved to a new area--how does a school know it owns you unless you tell them? Many homeschooling families, particularly in rural areas, never register their children in schools to begin with, so the schools never realize they exist. If you never have to deal with school officials, well, you escape all the potential paperwork and nonsense they may ask you and your parents to complete."(p.101)

What is not in this book? An obsession with agonizingly specific roadmaps or overly detailed plans for learning. Children don't need schools because "Healthy kids can teach themselves what they need to know, through books, various people, thinking, and other means" (p.6). They also learn by observing role models, who "can be people you know--like your parents--or people in the news--like Sinead O'Connor or Sandra Day O'Connor"(p.124). In the book's section on "Unschooling the arts," Ms. Llewellyn lists some prominent actor role models who didn't care about high school:

"Eddie Murphy, according to Current Biography 1983, was an 'indifferent student,' and said school was 'a never-ending party, just a place to get laughs.'
Roseanne Barr, comedian and star of the TV series Roseanne, dropped out of high school at sixteen. She worked as a dishwasher and eventually started performing in comedy clubs.
And Mel Gibson told journalist Roy Sekoff, 'School bored me. I graduated, but just barely.'"(p.237)

Would you recommend this book to a fat kid? No. Ms. Llewellyn relies heavily on metaphors that link learning with eating, urging students to "read to feed your hungry head"(p.65), and warning that "being in school is like being incredibly hungry and sitting at Burger King eating too much, too fast to be satisfied, and then puking it up"(p.34). It's "food for thought"(p.58), but it might drive larger readers to the refrigerator instead of the library. And that's not even counting the fictional story about a planet where children are (incorrectly) taught to eat, which Ms. Llewellyn includes as an allegory about the dangers of institutionalizing a process that should come naturally, not to mention the book's food-based puns. "Learn to be a human bean [sic] and not instant mashed potatoes"(p.69).

Would you recommend this book to a burned-out druggie? That term is very disrespectful. After all:

"Drug abuse is a disease. Drug use, however, is often the sign of someone's intense spiritual quest. Hallucinogens can be an easy, though risky, way to tap into visionary experience"(p.57, emphasis in original)

Schools try to suppress this visionary experience because "People who are fully and permanently awakened to the wildness and beauty around them make lousy wage-slaves. On the other hand, people who are not distracted by a wellspring of spiritual and sexual yearnings can assemble clock radios or automobiles very quickly"(p.56, emphasis in original).

What was interesting about this book? The comprehensive range of high school experiences for which Ms. Llewellyn suggests alternatives, including things like graduation. "As an unschooler, don't neglect to find some way of celebrating your passage into adulthood"(p.260).
She also brings up some interesting ideas when discussing substitutes for gym class. "Unschool that body! What you can do with it in school is nothing compared to what you can with it on an icy hill or a surfboard or a green field or a horse or a bike or a dance floor"(p.239) or a stained patch of asphalt by the dumpster behind a Dairy Queen! Of course, the challenge in these activities lies in figuring out when you've gone from intramural to varsity all-star.

_{The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education by Grace Llewellyn (Lowry House, 1991, ISBN: 0-9629591-0-3)}

It's Quantastic!

God Is Not Dead: What Quantum Physics Tells Us about Our Origins and How We Should Live

This book was written by: Amit Goswami, PhD, who shows that God has left his signature on the universe. Although "these quantum signatures are made of indelible ink; they cannot be erased or rationalized away by any materialist hocus-pocus"(p.11), they are also sloppy and almost entirely illegible.

What is in this book: The marriage of science and spirituality. According to Dr. Goswami, quantum science has proven that God exists in all of us. Every possible outcome for everything exists simultaneously, and we exercise godlike powers by selecting one specific way of viewing things. "We experience a quantum object, but only when we choose a particular facet of its possibility wave [...] And in that state from which we choose, we are all one, we are in God-consciousness"(p.23). To put it another way, when performing the Schrödinger's cat experiment, the act of opening the box and seeing the cat as either alive or dead is an exercise of godlike power. "The evidence is subtle, based on the concept of the primacy of consciousness from quantum physics, which remains Greek to many people, and so the message is very slow to penetrate both scientific and popular consciousness"(p.vii, emphasis in original). This difficulty with penetration is especially troublesome for men; it happens to lots of other men and no other men at the same time, so it's tough to tell whether you should feel bad about it. It's very quantum.

What is not in this book? Miscommunication. "I hope the question of creativity being a quantum leap is not evoking images of creative people such as Newton, Michelangelo, and Martha Graham effortlessly jumping over great physical barriers"(p.77). That would be silly. Instead, you should picture Scott Bakula, dressed like Isaac Newton, competing in the long jump at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. "Think quantum!"(p.58)

Would you recommend this book to an idiot? I enjoyed this book tremendously. It turns out that "people who are more sensitive to vital energy, people with open hearts, suffer more from pangs of conscience than people who are less sensitive to vital energy, people with primarily thinking minds"(p.180), and "oversensitive" has a much nicer sound to it than "unintelligent." Anyway, the book works to "introduce the nature of the quantum signatures of the divine in some detail and expound on the experimental verification of downward causation, quantum nonlocality, discontinuity, and tangled hierarchy in psychology and biology"(p.58), so it's pretty light reading. And quantum!

Would you recommend this book to a feminist? Yes. If they've been looking for something to do since feminism died, they may want to think about "quantum activism and what we can do to evolve ourselves and our society in accordance with the evolutionary agenda of consciousness"(p.59). Towards the end of the book, Dr. Goswami explains how "Quantum activism begins when we change our worldview from a matter-based one to one based on quantum physics and the primacy of consciousness. We have begun right thinking and we ask: now that we know how to think properly about our world, what should we do about it?"(p.255)

On the other end of the spectrum, "not only does the quantum activist explore love as charity and service to others, but also in intimate relationships, even carnal relationships"(p.258), so it's cool if you like hookers. You can try quantum multitasking to explore love in intimate, carnal, and business relationships all at once.

What was interesting about this book? In the prologue, Dr. Goswami imagines how a biologist, a philosopher, and a Christian theologian would find fault with his argument. The imaginary biologist "is a white American male, complete with coat and tie loosened at the neck"(p.1), the fictional philosopher is a "tall, white American male with a shaved head looking a lot like Ken Wliber"(p.5), and the pretend theologian "ends up as a woman"(p.8). Dr. Goswami debates these strawpersons so skillfully and dismantles their criticisms so thoroughly that it's like he knew what they were going to say before they did. In fact, one might call Goswami a master debater.

_{God Is Not Dead: What Quantum Physics Tells Us about Our Origins and How We Should Live, Amit Goswami, PhD (Hampton Roads Publishing, 2008, ISBN: 978-1-57174-563-7)}

Three, Two, One, Zero!

Tapping the Zero Point Energy

This book was written by: Moray B. King, an electrical engineer who speaks at energy conferences.

What is in this book: A collection of papers written by Mr. King discussing zero-point energy, "an all-pervading energy imbedded in the fabric of space consisting of fluctuations of electricity"(p.ii). This energy is often misunderstood and poorly researched because "the concepts are somewhat alien to classical physics, and difficult for many to understand since they invoke the existence of a physically real, higher dimensional space"(p.30). If it helps, you can just think that "zero-point energy[...] by some consideration is the modern term for the ether"(p.58). You know, the medium that surrounds our terrestrial sphere, not the chemical for huffing.

What is not in this book: Adherence to the status quo. King recommends performing some unpopular experiments, like examining "evidence that the zero-point energy is not a passive system but actually is a manifestation of an energy flux passing through our space orthogonally from other dimensions"(p.12). It seems worth examining when he asks "What governs physics--popularity or experimentation?"(p.30) until you realize that some subjects are unpopular because experimentation has proven that they don't work.

Special Bitterly Books scientific advisor SolarTungsten says: Zero point energy isn't what most people think it is. Of course, most people think it's some kind of engine that runs off of your unrequited love for Tasha Yarr. King's work linking the vacuum fluctuations to cold fusion is an especially strange thing to do, but it's pretty common for science and medicine cranks to try and combine as many discarded ideas as they can under one roof. It's like a Katamari Damacy of retardation.

Would you recommend this book to a physicist? They have time to read? I thought they were too busy, spending all their time drinking expensive liquor with attractive women in in hot tubs, expensive cars, and nightclubs. Maybe I'm thinking of biochemists.

Would you recommend this book to horticulturalists? Yes, I would jump at the chance. First I'd tell them that T.H. Moray has made some revolutionary breakthroughs. Then I'd point out the passage that describes how "[T.H.] Moray powered his [solid state amplifying] valve by doping his Germanium with radioactive materials"(p.48). Then I'd closely watch their faces for that moment of disappointment when they spot the extra "m" and realize that he's talking about the element, not the plant. Good luck winning the spring flower show with that, suckers!

What was interesting about this book? Buried at the end of this book, King introduces the Prometheus game. You play by asking yourself, "If you were an angel who had the knowledge to seed the discovery of free energy on planet earth, would you love this planet and its beings enough to share your gift without any reward or recognition? If you can answer yes, then you are a master of the Prometheus game and you will find, as I have, that wonderful, synchronistic events and experiences accrue that yield inspiration and guidance"(p.172). Sadly, I have not mastered this game; if I had the knowledge he was talking about, I'd hold it ransom for a huge pile of money. That way I could spend the rest of my life living like a biochemist.

_{Tapping the Zero Point Energy by Moray B. King (Adventures Unlimited Press, 2002, ISBN: 978-1931882002)}

Dueserpenti Review: I Was Dreaming When I Wrote This, So Sue Me if I Go Too Fast

The following review was written by guest writer dueserpenti, freelance smartass.

Nostradamus 1999

This book was written by: Stephan Paulus, retired martial arts instructor, self-described Nostradamus hobbyist, and “the only author to explore the link between the prophesies and a battle-by-battle vision of World War III [, ...] connect Nostradamus' prophesies with Islamic end-time prophesies [, ...and] with prophesies from the Book of Revelation” (So sayeth the back flap). His other hobbies include organic gardening, aerobics, and home improvement.

What is in this book: Bad news. According to Nostradamus, a comet is going to hit the Earth in July of 1999. As if that wasn't bad enough, out of the ashes rises a pan-Islamic state led by the Madhi, The Antichrist, the Muslim Jesus, (yes, these are all separate people) and two Nostradamus bonus characters, the Man in the Blue Turban and the Man in the White Turban. Naturally, they're bent on world domination, but finally get defeated by a coalition of American, British, French, Russian, and Swiss forces after twenty-seven years of hard fighting. Having won the day for democracy, they appoint a Frenchman to be king of the world. At least Henry V ends up ruling the Earth with justice and wisdom for many years, establishing a dynasty that continues into the 22nd century and possibly beyond, although it's hard to be specific after that.

Mind you, it's no picnic before then, either. It's a good thing we have the expert guidance of Mr. Paulus to lead us through it. We probably could have guessed that “The year 1999, the seventh month,” (Century 10, Quatrain 72) in Nostradamus' work “should be interpreted [... as] the seventh month of the year 1999” (3). But when another quatrain refers to worldwide “plague, famine and death” (1:16) between the years 1994 and 1996, “That was close enough [...] that it may apply” (82).

Likewise, only Stephan Paulus knows how the Antichrist can simultaneously be from Russia (101), China (106), and Turkey (108). Nor is he afraid to challenge conventional wisdom in his field. While most Nostradamus scholars believe that mentions of “Libra” refer to the constellation of the same name, Paulus argues that “Libra can only be the United States. Libra is pictured [...] holding a scale [...] The same symbol is found [...] outside the Supreme Court building in Washington, D.C. Second, the Latin word for liberty is 'Libertas.' [...] Nostradamus uses the word 'Libra' here as an anagram [sic] of the Latin 'Libertas.' [....] the Statue of Liberty [...] was a gift from the French people” (217-18).

What is not in this book: Any confidence whatsoever in the prophesies of Nostradamus. Having spent 250 pages constructing a truly exhaustive history of the 21st century, the author includes an appendix in which he admits that, of those prophesies which have already passed their expiration date, “Nostradamus' final accuracy rate for his dated quatrains is one-and-a-half for seven, slightly over 21%” (256). Believe me, that number is more than generous. So is the conclusion he takes from it: “Nostradamus was wrong more often than he was right. Still, he was right at least part of the time [...] it probably will not occur, but what if it does? [...] There is simply too much to lose to assume he was wrong” (257).

Would you recommend this Book to Prince? No. He would be heartbroken to learn that in the future there is only one Prince. His name is Ogmios, son of Henry V, and he will ascend to the throne upon his father's death to rule with justice and wisdom (247).

Would you recommend this Book to a Meteorologist? Yes. Forecasting five centuries in advance is undoubtedly harder than five days, but that 21% success rate has still got to make the average weatherman feel pretty good about his own accuracy.

What is interesting about this book: The author's stoic resignation about the future, whatever it may hold. As he says in his final Author's Note, “Whether I am right or wrong, we are all going to die anyway, within a few short decades at most” (268). Now that's prophesy you can believe in.

_{Nostradamus 1999 by Stephan Paulus (Llewellyn Publications, 1996, ISBN: 978-1567185157)}

Knees and Toes Never Hurt Anybody

The Pesticide Conspiracy: An alarming look at pest control and the people who keep us "hooked" on deadly chemicals

This book was written by: Robert Van Den Bosch, deceased, former professor of entomology at University of California, Berkeley, and "a man who is frankly angry"(p.viii).

What is in this book: Professor Van Den Bosch's criticism of agricultural practices where "the heavy use of pesticides has created an entomological nightmare, bringing in its wake economic ruin, human illness and death, and gross environmental pollution"(p.37), but some formidable opponents are arrayed against him. While trying to investigate pesticide usage among growers, for example:

"Heavy Watergate games were being played to frustrate our little investigation of cosmetic produce. We were obviously on the track of something very rotten. Of course, we knew this from what had already turned up in our investigation, but it was a shock to learn how dirty the game can get when powerful people have something to hide."(p.106)

These unnamed but powerful people have conspired to call the kettle black, dismissing Professor Van Den Bosch's criticism as "a conspiracy against scientific agriculture and agri-business by a coalition of hippies, eco-freaks, organic-food fanatics, and enemies of free enterprise."(p.28)

What is not in this book: An obsession with hygiene. We are "very fussy about buggy bits that might get into canned, frozen, or bottled produce"(p.99). As a result, "a tremendous pesticide load goes into the environment to assure that we get our pretty produce or to minimize the off chance of an aphid knee or thrips toe surfacing in somebody's broccoli amandine or bloody mary"(p.101), but it's not like extra knees or toes ever hurt anybody. You heard me, Upton Sinclair: Go fuck yourself.

Would you recommend this book to either Buddhists or Catholics? Yes. I think both groups would approve of its pro-life message. Although to most growers, "the sight or even thought of a boll weevil, lygus bug, spider mite, or pink bollworm triggers an automatic reaction: kill it before it grubs a nickel out of your pocket or a crumb from your mouth, or before it milks the treasury of a single peso!"(p.38), Professor Van Den Bosch recommends a policy of integrated control. It is an agricultural equivalent to the rhythm method that is more tolerant of unwanted larvae.

Would you recommend this book to Pepé Le Pew? No, I would recommend that he make friends with a tussock moth willing to be his wingman. This recommendation is based on Professor Van Den Bosch's assertion that for chemical companies, "the tussock moth provided a golden opportunity to pull the DDT skunk out of the EPA garbage can"(p.83). Whatever that means, it sounds like it would be right up Pepé's alley.

What was interesting about this book? Professor Van Den Bosch's recommendation to reform the business of pest control. "It is abundantly clear to me that the elimination of the pesticide salesman from pest-control advisement is absolutely necessary if we are to develop a better pest-control system. [....] In fact, the medical profession, which recognized this problem quite early in its evolution, does not allow the pharmaceutical industry to dominate diagnosis and prescription"(p.180). Thanks to the medical profession's constant vigilance, commercial concerns have been removed completely from the industry, with doctors focusing on the diagnosis and treatement of serious medical ailments like restless leg syndrome—and the ecosystem has never been safer.

_{The Pesticide Conspiracy: An alarming look at pest control and the people who keep us "hooked" on deadly chemicals by Robert Van Den Bosch (Doubleday & Company, 1978, ISBN: 0-385-13384-7)}

Not That Different

Six-Legged Sex: The Erotic Lives of Bugs

This book was written by: James K. Wangberg, who writes that "much of my early research focused on insect natural history, which entailed countless hours of observing insect behaviors, including their most intimate acts"(p.8). Although some readers may be put off by this insect voyeurism, "the study of insect genitalia is a significant and highly legitimate area of scientific research"(p.63).

What is in this book: Every fetish you can find on the internet, replicated in the insect kingdom. "Long before teenagers discovered favorite spots to park, overlooking romantic city lights, bot flies were congregating in similar locations for much the same purpose"(p.50), and other insects engage in necrophilia (the digger bee, p.126), S&M/Bondage (Chapter 18), orgies (Chapter 19), bukkake (the springtail, p.72), Prostitution (Chapter 20), cosplay (the velvet ant, p.59), vegetable fetishes (the tiphiid wasp, p.80), and even the Wolbachia bacterium can turn wood lice into the equivalent of Thai ladyboys. Insects also have their own equivalent of Axe body spray. "Some insect males may produce their own powerful scent, which they conveniently leave on the body of the female after mating with her. Tainted with the odor of a male, she is no longer recognizable as a sexy female, consequently other males seeking a sex partner bypass her on their mating quest"(p.13).

What is not in this book: Concern about upsetting squeamish readers with graphic details. Dr. Wangberg's description of the male feather-winged beetle discusses how:

[Its] sperm are up to two-thirds the length of the beetle himself. The gigantic sperm are so large that they literally fill up the female's reproductive system, leaving no room for others. Mated females have been found with sperm tails protruding from their vaginas, the competing sperm unable to enter(p.70)

Although this might seem to make oral sex a daunting proposition, "with literally millions of insects still to be discovered, imagine the delicious opportunities awaiting biologists, entomologists, and insect voyeurs"(p.133).

Would you recommend this book to Robert Donner or Curt Johnson? No. I respect their work on Minesweeper, which is a solid game, but god help us if they had read about how a male springtail will tend to a sperm field, "eating older sperm droplets and replacing them with fresh ones, to ensure the highest quality sperm for the female that wanders upon his property"(p.72). The resulting game would not have been nearly as popular beyond certain specialized niches.

Would you recommend this book to a Pick-Up Artist? Yes. You know how people tend to read items in a way that will confirm their own biases? Well, after seeing that "virgin females are strongly attracted to sexy sounding males who own nice property,"(p.46) they are going to see what other strategies from this book can be applied to their own lives, and the results will be hilarious.

What was interesting about this book? "The anal hairs on a cockroach can detect the on-rushing tongue of a toad!"(p.19). Now you know.

_{Six-Legged Sex: The Erotic Lives of Bugs, by James K. Wangberg, with illustrations by Marjorie C. Leggitt (Fulcrum Publishing, 2001, ISBN:1-55591-292-3}

Glow Ball Enlightenment

Healing Society: A Prescription for Global Enlightenment by Dr. Seung Heun Lee (Walsch Books, 2000, ISBN: 1-57174-189-5)

This book was written by: Dr. Seung Heun Lee, creator and grand master of Dahn Hak and Brain Respiration, which is less painful than it sounds. Dr. Lee writes that his work with Ki energy has allowed him "to perform some so-called miraculous feats, such as communing with spirits, curing incurable diseases, helping paralyzed people walk, and calming mentally unstable people"(p.xiii).

What is in this book: A discussion of the mindset and approaches that will be necessary to heal society, relayed via anecdotes from Dr. Lee and metaphors that may be more commonly used in Korea. Some of them translate across cultures, like the statement that "we human beings are like puppets dancing on a stage, unable to look beyond the curtains and realize that we are not dancing to the rhythm of the divine music that's playing in the theater"(p.79). Other references, like Dr. Lee's description of a series of pictures where "the second frame has the now-grown calf with a nose ring and getting a spanking from the farmer for misbehaving"(p.3), may need to be re-interpreted—try replacing "farmer" with "parent" or "teacher," and swap out "calf" for "child" or "hooker." However, some of the references are completely inscrutable, like his statement that "humans insist upon differentiating everything, ever since we ate of the grape in Margo's Castle"(p.74).

Seriously, I googled the hell out of "Margo's Castle" and only came up with some terrible music, a realtor, a bar, and a shopping mall development, which are tough to connect to either enlightenment or grapes.

What is not in this book: Undue weight placed on Christianity as the only path to a healed society. We are caught in a system of constant competition driving us to ruin, and "one or two enlightened people cannot stop this machine. Twelve disciples cannot help us now"(p.79). Did you hear that, Jesus? In your FACE. And that business about God sacrificing his only son for our sins? "Even a porcupine loves its young. Even a lowly rodent knows to die for its offspring"(p.19), so by Dr. Lee's reckoning, God has no more common sense than a porcupine.
This book also doesn't place a lot of importance on our physical shells. "The physical body and mental acuity that you have been born with are not you, but just tools temporarily lent you for you to experience things that will mature you spiritually"(p.xiv). Hopefully, you have borrowed these tools from someone who isn't in a hurry to get them back, but it's a perspective that helps you remember that "you are not a quick-tempered Latino male with a penchant for computer programming who enjoys football games on weekends and good detective stories. You are not a patient, virtuous woman who has good judgment and shrewd mind when it comes to 'too good to be true' offers"(p.10). Also, you are not a robot crimefighter from the steam age, a transgendered Swede who constructs scale models of global landmarks out of earwax, or a dog who solves mysteries with the help of a sassy talking pocket calculator.

Would you recommend this book to Suzanne Somers? Yes, she seems pretty interested in health programs, so she might like to learn more about Brain Respiration, which "is a training regimen maximized to meet the needs of the twenty-first century"(p.49). "The actual Brain Respiration program consists of five levels"(p.63), which are—in sequential order—Brain Sensitizing, Brain Softening, Brain Cleaning, Brain Reinforming, and Brain Energizing. Ms. Somers may be pretty familiar with the second level already, but she could still learn something new.

Would you recommend this book to an adolescent male? Yes. "All the problems we face now in this world came about because we, as human beings, could not play well with each other. We don't play well with ourselves, first of all"(p.90), so getting them to play well with themselves could solve all the world's problems without being much of a challenge.

What is interesting about this book? Although the title of this book promises a prescription, "Brain Respiration is done by your own hands, through your own choice, for the advancement of your own spiritual awareness, and for the betterment of yourself and all mankind"(p.48) without any of the harmful poisons that the western world calls medication.
Dr. Lee does not think small, stating that he wants "to call upon the world to embark on an Enlightenment Revolution, a massive spiritual awakening that will sweep across the Earth with a thundering speed, bringing the joy of enlightenment to everyone"(p.xii-xiii). It's a bold vision that will yield dramatic results:

When these one hundred million people make the choice to reach a collective enlightenment, then we will change the destiny of the Earth itself. The healing vibration of their choices and determination will cure the Earth of the ills that we have caused. Then we will finally be on our way to Margo's Castle again.(p.75)

I Knew You'd Fight About That

Psychic Warrior: Inside the CIA's Stargate Program: The True Story of a Soldier's Espionage and Awakening by David Morehouse, PhD (St. Martin's Press, 1996, ISBN: 0-312-14708-2)

This book was written by: David Morehouse, PhD, a former U.S. Army Ranger whose foray into the realm of the paranormal began when "we were in Jordan training Jordanian rangers—probably to kill Israelis"(p.26). During the assignment, Morehouse found that "the commander of the Jordanian Ranger battalion [....] hated the Israelis and showed no compunction when it came to talk of killing them"(p.27), and "to lose ourselves in the ways and stories of these men, so closely tied to two millennia of desert warriors, was enchanting"(p.33). Sadly, these idyllic days came to an end after a friendly-fire bullet induced visions that sent Morehouse into the U.S. army's remote viewing program.

What is in this book: An accounting of the other-worldly powers harnessed by the United States government that would sound like the paranoid rantings of a lunatic if coming from a less-credible source. "The government of the most powerful nation on the face of the earth has admitted that it knows humans can transcend time and space to view distant persons, places, things, and events, and that information thus gathered can be brought back. I hope you comprehend the significance of that information"(p.257) Morehouse was warned that "you'll be surprised what you see happening in the world around you as you progress in your training"(p.85), but he had no idea how deep the rabbit hole went. He read books on the development of remote viewing as a science, and "the books didn't mention the intelligence involvement, but evidence of government funding and management was all over the place"(p.83). In fact, "it was obvious when you took all the information in context that the U.S. government was heavily involved with parapsychological research on many fronts, not just in the area of remote viewing"(p.72). The fact that Morehouse was committed to the psychiatric ward of Womack Army Hospital and taking "forty milligrams of Loxitane (a powerful antipsychotic), sixty milligrams of Prozac (an antidepressant), six milligrams of Cogentin (to offset the tremors caused by the Loxitane), and thirty milligrams of Restoril (a tranquilizer)"(p.231, parentheses from the author) on a daily basis only shows what the government would do to keep him quiet.

What is not in this book: Vanity. Morehouse might appear resentful, but it's understandable considering that "once I'd been an officer 'destined to wear stars'; now I was a worthless outcast, still suffering from visions and nightmares unless I drugged myself with poisons"(p.234). Similarly, his wife now has to face the fact that "she'd married a strong, promising young infantry officer; sixteen years later, she had a devastated, empty shell of a man who could no more be a father and husband than he could care for himself, who was a melancholy testimonial to what he could have been"(p.235). Morehouse modestly refrains from dwelling on his wasted potential and singing his own praises. He lets the other characters in the story do that:

"Listen to what you're told, David; it's important. Not just to you, but to all humanity"(p.13)

"You possess a unique quality—a gift, if you will"(p.227)

"David promises to be one of the very best viewers we've ever produced"(p.97)

"You get on target faster than anyone I've seen"(p.136)

"I've never seen anyone get the images you did—that was excellent!"(p.109)

"You were on target almost instantly. You collected information that would have cracked the target wide open had this been an operational mission"(p.116)

"He's bilocated within seconds of receiving the coordinates. Nobody's ever done it that fast before"(p.112)

"He's fast, first of all. But that's not where it stops; he's accurate, as well"(p.120)

What do you know about the Secret Army of Northern Virginia? Nothing. I certainly didn't see them mentioned by name on page 46 or referenced later in the book when Morehouse discusses working for them.

Would you recommend this book to Patty Smyth? I think so. She's a little busy shooting at the walls of heartache and all, but she is the warrior. Granted, this book doesn't describe the nuts and bolts of the technology involved in psychic warfare beyond a line about "a specially designed bed like something from a science fiction movie"(p.7), but a warrior's life story might still be of interest to her.

Would you recommend this book to the General Accounting Office? Probably not. Morehouse notes that "there is a dark and perverted side to our army"(p.48), but he's tantalizingly vague on specifics besides a casual mention of affairs and fistfights. "I saw a watch the other day in a safe that cost the taxpayers more than I made in three years"(p.60), so at least we know that the army isn't scrimping on safes.

What was interesting about this book? Morehouse collaborated with Jim Marrs on a book about remote viewing. "Jim is a conscientious and modest man, who shared our fascination with remote viewing and with its potential to help mankind; he worked hard to pull our story together [....] I should mention that, to date, Jim's book has not been published"(p.197). It's a shame that Marrs hasn't been able to bring the truth about remote viewing to light, because "I believe that remote viewing for intelligence purposes remains now very fully funded, very hidden, and very protected—and is now very deadly"(p.251).

A Peek at Oil and Survival

Peak Oil Survival: Preparation for Life after Gridcrash by Aric McBay (The Lyons Press, 2006, ISBN 978-1-59228-127-5)

This book was written by: Aric McBay, an author, webmaster, and survivalist who expects worldwide oil reserves to be depleted in the immediate future, bringing civilization to a halt and ending the world as we know it. "I believe that this rapid collapse is probably the 'best-case scenario' for the planet.[....] I'm planning for an optimistic scenario that involves near-term, rapid industrial collapse"(p.xx). Mr. McBay writes that because of his misgivings about technology's effects on the environment, "these concerns led me to search for the deeper roots of our current problems, and for deeper solutions, which I eventually found in a critique of civilization"(p.xvii). Mr. McBay does not identify himself as a communist, but "the techniques chosen [for this book] tend to make societies more egalitarian and to distribute resources and power more fairly"(p.xxi).

What is in this book: Descriptions of ways you can eke out a living in the blighted wasteland of deprivation that is a world without oil. Chapters cover finding and sterilizing water, cooling and cooking food, latrines, and lighting and heat. Mr. McBay tries to put a brave face on things, claiming that for some of these survival methods "their use is creative and fulfilling, rather than repetitive"(p.xxi), and "we could even thrive in the face of industrial collapse"(p.84). However, you'll still be spending three hours trying to cook lentils in a haybox (p.58), going to bed when the sun sets because "compared to modern paraffin (petroleum-derived) candles, tallow candles smell bad, sputter and drip, produce sooty smoke, don't burn for very long, and melt easily at a low temperature"(p.79), and scavenging for nutrients in your own poop. "Many soils have already been mined of nutrients, and they can benefit from the nutrients present in feces. Besides, for many people during industrial collapse, the only source of animal manure for gardening may be their own"(p.33).

What is not in this book: Information on hunting, survival medicine, or good substitutes for some of the currently available necessities that will become scarce in a post-petroleum world. Interestingly enough, while Mr. McBay states in the introduction that "a technique that allows a 1,000-square-foot garden to meet food needs would generally be preferred to a 1,500-square-foot garden that yields the same amount of food, since the smaller garden leaves more room for wilderness"(p.xxi), the book does not discuss gardening techniques in any detail.
Mr. McBay has also neglected to provide instructions for building the weaponry you'll need to raid other survivors for their now priceless, petroleum-based, and life-giving plastics. For example, you can use them to store water, and "large, plastic barrels, such as ones used to import pickles for restaurants, are a good option"(p.26). Plastic can also collect water if you dig a hole and "place a clear plastic sheet over the hole with a weight, such as a stone, in the middle and additional weighting along the edges of the hole. The water that evaporates out of the soil will condense and drip into the container"(p.12). And you can use plastic for cooking with solar heat. "If you place a black pot in a clear plastic bag […] you will have better heat retention"(p.67). Mr. McBay cautions that burning plastic is dangerous and bad for the environment, but not until after he suggests that "melting shopping bags with a flame will yield an improvised hot glue or makeshift caulking"(p.87).
Mr. McBay guides readers to websites for additional survival information, which manages to save paper and reduce the book's impact on the environment while still keeping the information readily accessible after the oil apocalypse.
Notably absent from either the book or the websites is a good list of positions to choose from when you finally decide to curl up and die.

Would you recommend this book to Alfred E. Neuman? Yes. Because we're doomed, and there's nothing to be done about it. "The problems we face are not superficial. They are not caused by the kind of car you or I drive, by whether we buy recycled paper or not, by which politician we vote for, or where we work. [...] We can't solve the problems we face by simply changing those personal choices"(p.xv), so why bother? "We can't all spend as much time as we'd like camping in the forest, growing gardens, taking wilderness first-aid classes, or learning other survival skills to prepare for the collapse"(p.xix), but it doesn't matter because "to be completely self-sufficient would be very difficult, time-consuming, improbable, and generally lonely"(p.84). What, me worry?

Would you recommend this book to that pretentious college student who thinks that half a semester of Intro to Philosophy has made him a deep thinker? Yes. Mr. McBay has provided that guy with some superb examples of the existential paradoxes that plague modern man:

"We are left in something of a catch-22. We know that in a post-collapse context, our well-being will depend on the well-being of the natural world, since we will once again be directly dependent on the ecological communities in our area. Most of us are currently dependent on industrial civilization for the material basis of our day-to-day lives. And yet, in the long term, every day that industrial civilization continues is another day that global warming worsens, that more rivers are dammed, depleted, or poisoned, that more fish are removed from the oceans, and that more forests are cut down."(p.xvii)

It's like a Catch-22, Morton's Fork, and Hobson's Choice all rolled into one giant grab bag of misapplied terminology!

What was interesting about this book? Taking a dump after the end of civilization is a complicated proposition, and for good reason. "Assume that one person will excrete about 1.4 cubic feet (.04m3) of solids per year"(p.31) Fortunately, Mr. McBay offers advice and instructions for convenient, sanitary latrines that can be used by the whole family. And "if small children are afraid of falling into the hole, you can make a covering for the hole, with a smaller hole within it, or simply make a second, appropriately sized hole in the floor"(p.31). If you find the idea of a child-swallowing crap hole to be even more terrifying than gridcrash, you have the option of using a composting toilet. Some people report problems with urine in their composting toilets causing unpleasant smells , but "most people I know who use composting toilets simply add their urine (diluted with at least 3 to 6 parts of water) to their garden or orchard"(p.35, parentheses in source). Just don't ask what you can substitute for toilet paper.

Satanism and Sex Education

Lessons in Depravity: Sex Education and the Sexual Revolution by E.S. Williams (Belmont House Publishing, 2003, ISBN 0-9529939-5-3)
Bonus out-takes

This book was written by:Dr. E.S. Williams, who feels that "comprehensive sex education is not only ineffective in achieving its stated objective of reducing sexual tragedies, but that it contributes to the problem"(p.10), encouraging the staging of tragedies like Stiff Hamlet, King Lear Gets Crowned, and Coriol-Anus. Dr. Williams himself is a tragic figure because his work as director of public health for Croydon Health Authority pitted him in a losing battle against the powerful sex education lobby that constantly undermined and perverted the government's efforts.
For example, "[In 1991] the sex education lobby, claiming that AIDS was the largest public health threat of the twentieth century, was being provided with large amounts of money for its ‘safer sex’ propaganda. [....Figures from 2000 show that] the epidemic predicted by the Department of Health proved to be a gross exaggeration"(p.232). The money spent to prevent an AIDS epidemic in the U.K. was completely wasted because "by the end of 1997 it was becoming clear that the threatened AIDS epidemic had fizzled out"(p.238).

What is in this book: This study, which combines the stirring and impassioned rhetoric of an IRS publication, the open-minded tolerance of Draco’s Athenian constitution, and a dedication to footnoting and citation not seen since An Analysis of Section 16 of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934^*, chronicles shocking facts about sex education efforts in the United Kingdom over the past six decades.
"While [the North Ireland sex education program(me)] Love for Life claims that its purpose is to encourage young people to delay sexual intercourse, it also believes that giving young people information about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases helps them to make an informed choice about whether or not to have sex"(p.17). As horrifying as this sounds, it gets worse. By citing a case where "the Government, using all the powers of mass media, the machinery of official-dom, the propaganda of the sex education lobby and the influence of the medical profession, had won the legal battle to provide contraceptives to children without the knowledge or consent of their parents,"(p.212) Dr. Williams provides irrefutable proof for his claim that "clearly, a key aim of the Government’s teenage sexual health strategy is to ensure that children have easy access to contraceptives and, in case of a slip-up, access to emergency contraception"(p.3-4). And if it wasn’t bad enough that "CARE [Christian Action, Research and Education] teaches that children ought to make sexual decisions on the basis of feelings generated by self esteem, rather than the certainties taught by biblical morality,"(p.291) it turns out that "the IPPF [International Planned Parenthood Federation], the organization set up to promote the ideology of Margaret Sanger, advocates that sex education, family planning and legal abortion should be accepted as human rights"(p.241). Naturally, this must all be stopped.

_{*Clearly, using footnotes is serious business. Dr. Williams has forgone footnotes in favor of endnotes, but he uses 1,033 of them, at an average of 49 endnotes per chapter, or 3 references per page.}

What is not in this book: How-to lessons on quad barebacking, inverse horseplay, or 'the split canoe' (which, in the U.S., is a felony in 32 states). This book manages to report on the lessons in depravity taught to defenseless schoolchildren without going into detailed descriptions. Dr. Williams refrains from duplicating the graphic offenses present in sex education materials because "Christian believers do not indulge in lewd and indecent language. The sex talk promoted by sex education is completely unacceptable"(p.249).
Dr. Williams also notes that "it is not difficult to see the similarity between the Canaanites and the modern day sex educators. Both are amoral, both have deified sex and both are devotees of depraved sexual practices"(p.254), specifically mentioning that people accused the Canaanites of doing detestable things, and "the detestable things included human sacrifice, demonism, homosexuality, lesbianism and incest"(p.253).
Dr. Williams maintains his restrained, sober approach for this subject because "it is vitally important for men, women and children to avoid anything that may arouse sexual lust"(p.262). Despite this self-censorship, the study remains coherent and informative. It describes how "the sex education lobby was raving about [the book] Make it Happy, [but] others were disturbed by the amoral advice that was being given to young people. George Gardiner (MP) said it was enough to make parents’ hair stand on end, and Ronald Butt described it as the filthiest sex education book he had seen"(p.175). When it comes to filthy, we don’t second-guess the opinion of Mr. Butt.

Would you recommend this book to a pack of unruly chavs? Normally, I’d say hell no, slap an ASBO on those hooligans and let prison sort them out. However, the nation’s youth need to learn that they face danger from radicals like Alfred Kinsey, who "vigorously promoted, juggling his figures to do so, a hedonistic, animalistic conception of sexual behaviour, while at the same time he consistently denounced all biblical and conventional conceptions of sexual behaviour"(p.81). "It is clear that Kinsey was not an objective scientist, as he claimed, but a dedicated sex revolutionary,"(p.90) and we cannot let children be subverted by revolutionaries like him or like H.G. Wells, who "was a persistent advocate of an almost completely amoral freedom"(p.67).

Would you recommend this book to Queen Victoria? Yes. Dr. Williams admires the morals of the Victorian era, and her royal highness would agree with his remark that "the woman who displays herself is foolish for she is attracting men for all the wrong reasons"(p.256). She would also want to do something about the ways that sex educators were trying to overcome "the innate, God-given, emotional response of embarrassment that has the function of protecting against sexual indecency"(p.261). In fact, "this is why sex education has developed techniques for overcoming embarrassment [.... so that] sex educators, with their desensitized children, can plummet the depths of depravity in the name of ‘safer sex’"(p.261).
Once that protective embarrassment is out of the way, sexual revolutionaries are "teaching young people in a climate that encourages promiscuity and homosexuality"(p.31) where "boys, in their fantasy life, imagine that girls really do want to have sex"(p.262). This is a terrible thing because "a chivalrous man understands that for a woman there is no such thing as casual sex, for she bears the awful responsibility of conceiving a new life and all that that involves"(p.259).

What was interesting about this book? Teenage pregnancy rates are alarmingly high in the United Kingdom. The Daily Mail—an unbiased news source not given to reactionary conservativism—recently reported on the failure of an experimental sex education program and profiled a girl who had 4 abortions by the age of 16, behavior which we must assume is typical of the average British teenager. It is proof that "sex education is one of the devil’s cunning schemes we are warned about in the sixth chapter of the Ephesians"(p.310).
More than satanic schemes, "it is arguable that the explicit images of sex education are, in reality, part of a modern phallic cult that worships at the shrine of sexual gratification. The explicit images are designed to inflame the imagination, and make young men and women burn with lust"(p.263). Fortunately, Dr. Williams shows that we can fight these cultists with Christian virtues. "Christian sexual conduct is expressed in the four virtues—modesty, chivalry, chastity, and fidelity [....] these are the Christian virtues that guard children from danger and abuse—they provide children with God-given security, protecting them from the ravages that result from sexual immorality"(p.250).
As Dr. Williams says, "it is the responsibility of all parents, Christian and non-Christian alike, to teach their children a moral framework on which to base their lives, and this is especially true when it comes to sexual conduct"(p.307), which is why we need to dismantle existing sex education programs and go back to the days when the youth of Britain learned about sex from "Benny Hill" episodes and Viz comics.

With his biblical views on sex education, some may dismiss Dr. Williams as crazy. But he's crazy like a FOX. No, crazy like three foxes—on a meth binge—that have made a rudimentary catapult out of a fire extinguisher and some old tires that they’ll use to launch a family of snapping turtles duct-taped to a cinderblock as a distraction so that they can sneak in the back of a drugstore to steal cold medicine so they can make more meth.

The Guilty Teacher

Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson: A Book to Heal You, Heart and Soul by Joan Borysenko, PhD (Warner Books, 1990, ISBN 0-446-51465-9)

This book was written by: Joan Borysenko, PhD, a therapist who says that she "had sometimes used powerful mind/body techniques to permit me to do too much and run too fast [....] removing the fail-safe mechanisms that nature had provided"(p. 3). Without the fail-safe mechanisms, she got into a car accident where "my nose had been literally destroyed—opened like the hood of a car and nearly torn off my face—when my shoulder harness failed to catch"(p.2). Dr. Borysenko is also the author of Minding the Body, Mending the Mind, a reference source so valuable that it is cited on pages 11, 13, 55, 76, 99, 102, 131, 140, 174, and 178.

What is in this book: An examination of the healing power of guilt, an often misunderstood force that can move mountains and cause festering sores. Actually, herpes causes festering sores, but guilt can shape those sores into forms that are personally meaningful for us, as was the case with "Peter, a forty-five-year-old patient [...] with recurrent herpes lesions on the buttocks"(p.123). Peter was abused as a child in a strict and religious household, and "when Peter caught herpes as the result of an extramarital affair, his reasonable healthy guilt was overshadowed by unreasonable religious guilt [....] He was sure that the herpes was a punishment for his sins. And his body produced an amazing demonstration—breaking out in herpes lesions that mimicked the pattern of his original beatings, a recall of the original psychospiritual trauma"(p.124).

What is not in this book: New Age claptrap. "Enormous misconceptions and oversimplifications have arisen in New Age thinking,"(p.149) and ideas like the Law of Attraction are actually "a warmed-over version of Western spiritual pessimism"(p.150). This spiritual pessimism prevents us from learning valuable lessons by trying to heal our guilt. "To commit ourselves to healing our guilt is to seek, find, and celebrate our essential humanity in a world that too often seems to be a place of purposeless suffering"(p.6). Once we discover our true nature, we get to yell at retards.
"I once had a Christian spiritual teacher who helped us understand humility through a conversation with a slightly retarded member of our congregation named Mike"(p.188). This teacher "turned" on Mike "with surprising force" and accused him of being full of himself. Then the teacher explained to Mike that "when you complain about not being smart, you are turning down your own unique, God-given place in the scheme of things, and that’s downright egotistical!"(p.188)

Would you recommend this book to a Jewish Mother? Yes, even though they already know that "shame is the master emotion" and that "shame is an adaptive, submissive state that favors survival but creates fear and helplessness"(p.67). This book can show them how to more effectively wield both guilt and shame, which they do out of love. (We’ll thank them for it later.)

Would you recommend this book to Lieutenant Marion "Cobra" Cobretti? No, he only wants to teach you that crime is a disease, and he is the cure.

What was interesting about this book? Dr. Borysenko’s in-depth examination of human nature caused me to re-examine some of my prejudices. I was particularly moved by her story of how "my husband, Myrin, and I had a dispute with our landlord and his wife, who seemed to distrust us on the basis of our long hair [....] The landlords told the judge that our pet guinea pig, 'Squeaky,' was part of a fictitious rabbit colony kept in the cellar by 'two crazy medical scientists' for experimental purposes!"(p.147)
Not wanting to repeat the mistakes of Dr. Borysenko’s landlord, I have realized that it’s okay to trust women with long hair. I’m still wary of women with short hair, though. They look too dykey.

Special Award: Bitterly Books would like to present Dr. Borysenko with the Rachel Ray–Hannibal Lecter Fantasy Award for the Furtherance of Knowledge in the Fields of Sandwichcraft and/or Manslaughter for describing her vivid dream:

In the dream, my mother and I are floating on a raft in the deep end of a large swimming pool. I swim to the other end where several old women are gathered. One is in her nineties and is obviously a woman of great spiritual wisdom. I want to introduce her to my mother so she can share her wisdom with us so I excitedly swim back to the raft to tell my mother. By the time I get back to the wisdom woman, I find her lying close to death by the edge of the pool. Her chest has been opened and the meat carved off like the breast of a turkey. The other women in the pool are eating sandwiches of her meat. I am incensed, disappointed, and bewildered. "Why didn’t you open a can of tunafish?" I scream. "We prefer cold turkey sandwiches" is the terse answer.(p.108)

(Note: This award should not be considered as any type of endorsement, condonment, or approval from—and is not offered in collaboration with—either Rachel Ray or Hannibal Lecter.)

Crystal Healing (Not sexual healing, not Crystal Bernard)

Healing with Crystals by Pamela Chase and Jonathan Pawlik (Career Press, 2001, ISBN 1-56414-535-2)

This book was written by: Jonathan Pawlik, Pamela Chase, and the (uncredited) Crystal Devas. "Devas are the 'higher selves' for the kingdoms of Nature,"(p.12), and Jonathan channels them and includes their messages in the book. Although they only communicate twice in the first 140 pages, they get exceptionally chatty in Chapter 12, "Planetary Healing."

What is in this book: Instructions for owning and operating crystals, which are actually a lot like housepets. Pets that occasionally ask to be buried in dirt. "Crystals like to be stored in sunlight and open spaces. They like to be used and enjoyed"(p.34). You can ask your crystal questions about where it would be most comfortable: "Would you like to be on the window sill? By the bed? Etc."(p.51) and question it about its uses: "Shall I place you in my receiving hand, on my heart, on my third eye?"(p.51). Prolonged use will pollute and/or deplete your crystal's psychic energies, so you will periodically need to clean and recharge it. Luckily, your crystal will tell you whether it wants to be immersed in salt, rain, smoke, running water, your breath, or the earth (p.49). Sadly, as with pets, your relationship will eventually come to an end. That's when it's time to "ask the spiritual consciousness of the crystal whether its work with you has been completed [.... and] ask it what element (earth or water primarily) will be most beneficial for its internal balance, and take the crystal where it needs to go"(p.37). Fortunately, these partings are usually less messy and rarely involve a veterinary bill.
While you and your crystal are working together, you can apply the teachings from part two, "clearing out the blocked energy that impedes growth, infusing positive healing energies, and expanding spiritual awareness through contacting the higher self"(p.81).

What is not in this book: Ways to use crystals as weapons, which is an all-too-real possibility. Inhabitants of ancient Atlantis abused crystals in "battles for supremacy where specially constructed crystals were placed underground and activated with the sun in a special process"(p.28). This is accepted as fact because "there has been a lot of information channeled, or intuitively received, about the Atlantean civilization,"(p.27) and it has been further corroborated by the Goldblum/Lauper documentary, Vibes.
This book chooses to focus on more constructive crystal uses, such as healing energy imbalances and storing information. For example, a crystal under your pillow can help you remember your dreams. "Double-terminated crystals are nice for this purpose, and you maybe [sic] able to tape a small one to your third eye"(p.108).

Would you recommend this book to Beyoncé, Lil' Kim, or Missy Elliott? I'd have to think about it. I don’t know if Cristal Divas would be willing to take advice from Crystal Devas, but they may have a lot in common. The devas say "I have the ability to instill confidence and courage in all who choose to work with me"(p.142, channeled), which could just as easily have been said by one of the divas. Then again, it can also be attributed to spirits inhabiting wood, modeling clay, latex, and earwax.

Would you recommend this book to Billy Mays: No. Chase and Pawlik have designed the perfect vehicle for crystal sale tie-ins, but they lack the killer instinct of a true closer. "We could mention here that we were able to travel to Arkansas and buy clear quartz crystals at a time when they were much less expensive,"(p.129) but they don't.

What was interesting about this book? The illustrations.

Figure 10-1: This costs extra in Thailand

Figure 10-4: What not to do with the passed-out girl at the frat party

A Bug Years in the Making

How to Profit from the Y2K Recession: …by Converting the Year 2000 Crisis into an Opportunity for Your Investments and Business by John Mauldin (St. Martin’s Press, 1999, ISBN: 0-312-20706-9)

This book was written by: John F. Mauldin. Mr. Mauldin is an investment analyst, an expert on the Y2K problem, and a member of the Knights of Malta. It is unclear whether Mr. Mauldin belongs to the Knights of Malta that is the pope's militia or the one that is operating outside the pope's control. However, Sir Glen may be able to clear up the confusion if you write to him at his AOL address, assuming that the order of Malta webpage doesn't answer your questions.

What is in this book: Sound financial plans. After all, “Buy-and-hold will continue to be a good strategy until it stops working, and then it won’t be”(p.159), so you should be prepared. Mauldin says that “for a long time, I have been a believer in market timing”(p.182), and if you want to profit from the Y2K Recession, “I think that you should have a significant percentage of your money in bonds at this time”(p.192). You’ll make a killing in the market because “as we will see, the Y2K Recession takes bonds from boring to glamorous!”(p.190) That’s why “you should sell all, or as much as you can (and then hedge the rest) of all your stocks and equity mutual funds now”(p.189), regardless of any capital gains/losses, penalties, or tax consequences.

What is not in this book: Sugar coating. When the millennium bug finally hits us, it’s going to be bad, people. “Y2K is going to be like Smoking Joe’s left hook. It is going to hit us seemingly from out of nowhere”(p.131), and although the new millennium isn't bringing oceans of blood, typhoons of fire, or a hail of brimstone, “The worst effects of the Millennium Bug are going to be economic. It will cause the Y2K Recession”(p.12, emphasis the author’s). When it hits, “the Y2K problem is going to be the cause of the mother of all traffic jams on the information highway”(p.2), and because of it “America will likely suffer the loss of millions of jobs”(p.96). Eventually, “historians will look back one hundred years from now and note the irony of a brief, but severe, global recession caused by a simple programming decision that interrupted an ongoing global expansion”(p.293). Hopefully, those historians will be studying ways to avert the unwarranted influence that society routinely hands over to concepts like the millennium crisis, the Billy Bass, and the Macarena.

Would you recommend this book to a boy scout? Hell yes. Appendix B of this book contains a contingency-planning document that is vital for anyone who wants to be ready for the millennium recession. Sure, “you will notice that you’re already behind. Don’t despair, just do what you can. Every bit of preparation will make the transition easier”(p.311). No matter how far you've fallen behind, it's never too late to be prepared.

Would you recommend this book to a Mormon? I think so. After spending so much money to fight gay marriage in California only to lose in so many other parts of the country, they need to stop thinking about prophets and start making profits.
“The responsibility for directing the nature of our corporate response lies with our religious institutions”(p.329), and those religious institutions need to show us how to kick people while they're down. “If in the process of becoming compliant, you realize that your industry is more exposed than most realize, you might want to start thinking about how you would exploit a competitor’s delivery problems”(p.109). If that's not in the bible, it should be.

What was interesting about this book? John Mauldin. His powerful friends have asked him to spend a lot of time speaking at important events. “I have sat with presidents of banks, both large and small”(p.74), writes Mauldin, and he relays an anecdote that occurred “recently, [while] I was speaking at a Y2K conference for programmers”(p.8). In fact, he says that “In the middle of October 1998, I spoke at the largest hedge-fund conference in the world”(p.129). His travels give him a unique insight into the way that the financial industry is preparing for the Y2K recession, and “while speaking at high-level investment conferences (mostly for hedge funds), I have been exposed to discussions about ‘derivatives’”(p.267). The unique insight provided by these relationships has shown him the severity of our situation because “about two weeks after that near-meltdown [triggered by the collapse of Long Term Capital Management], I was flying to Bermuda to speak at a hedge-fund conference [....] That weekend when I attended the largest hedge-fund conference in the world to talk about Y2K, the number of hedge-fund managers who took the problem seriously was a definite minority”(p.269).